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Hey Holly: I Feel like I’m Bothering Him with Everything

Hey Holly,

I’m having trouble with my relationship. It’s not even my boyfriend’s fault, it’s my inability to be open with him. I feel like I’m bothering him with everything, even texting, because he’s so busy and I don’t want to take time away from his work. 

I just don’t know how I can be more open and not feel like a bother. It’s always been easy for me in my previous relationships, but I think it’s because he’s so much older than me. 

It’s also been very awkward lately too.



Dear A,

First things first, if you’re in a relationship with someone, they want to spend time on and with you, that’s why you’re dating! There should be no need to spend time worrying about bothering someone who loves you. It’s possible because you’re younger than your boyfriend you could feel inferior or insecure about your problems not being as important or legitimate as what’s going on with him simply because he’s at a much different stage in his life, but that doesn’t belittle whatever you’re going through.

Someone you’re in a relationship with should be there to support you, and listen to you when you need to talk. Tell him that you feel like you’re bothering him and that you’re unsure about what to or what not to disclose to him. A partner who loves and cares for you will never be too busy for you. No, they won’t be available all the time, but they should never be too busy for you 24/7. If he hasn’t openly said anything about you bothering him or taking away from his work, you shouldn’t feel any pressure about distracting him or annoying him. He probably does want you to open up because you holding back could create an awkward feeling amongst the two of you. If he was too busy for you he wouldn’t have taken on the relationship; you have to like someone a lot to commit your time to them and you should consider that. All in all, at the risk of sounding cliché, which that alone sounded cliché, the best thing for a relationship is to communicate and I hope you can do so!

Good luck!


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