Dating is a big part of our young adult life and can be complicated to navigate. At least I know it was for me, and I’ve had my share of chaotic situationships. Here are a few things I wish someone had told me a few years ago when I was new to the dating scene.
1. Get to know yourself first
Knowing our needs and what we bring to the table is so important when it comes to dating. It also allows us to set boundaries and be clear about what we’re looking for. As a young adult, it was so easy for me to get lost in a relationship and agree to anything my partner asked because I didn’t know what I wanted — or my worth. However, this isn’t sustainable long-term and only leads to unhappy, unhealthy relationships.
2. Figure out what relationship type works for you
Do you want a monogamous relationship or a non-monogamous one? Do you see yourself living with your partner(s)? Are you looking for a more casual/friends-with-benefits situation? What does a relationship look like for you? Society often imposes rules and “milestones” on us, but you can choose to do things differently. Again, the key is knowing what you want and then communicating that to your current/future partner(s). You should be co-creating your relationship so that it fits who you are at that moment.
3. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no
Whether we’re talking about consent or trying to figure out if we want to see this person again, this is my golden rule. Consent for any intimate act must be enthusiastic and continuous — you should never feel pressured to do anything you are not 100% comfortable and excited to do. It should always be a hell yes, otherwise it’s a no.
4. We all have baggage
First, I want to remind you that no matter what your life looks like — regardless of your trauma and past relationships — you are worthy of love and respect. You will never be “too much” or “not enough”, no matter where you are at. With that said, being aware of how your past experiences and your trauma impacts you and taking responsibility for your healing is important. Communicating that to your partner(s), if you feel comfortable to do so, can also help navigate issues in the relationship.
5. Just have fun with it
This one is self-explanatory, but dating should be fun — whatever fun means to you. I’m not saying it’s always fun or that it’s always easy, but if it rarely is, that might be a red flag.
Alright babes, obviously dating will always be a bit chaotic but I hope this helps navigate it easier. Go out, have fun, don’t take it too seriously (or do), and please stay safe out there!
-XOXO- D.