Mkay, so although Ava Max, Dan + Shay, and Leslie Odom Jr. (among others) have all released phenomenal original Christmas songs this year, there’s one song that kinda just sums up the 2020 holiday season better than any other song could. And it isn’t even from 2020. Idk how Straight no Chaser and Kristen Bell did it, but they somehow managed to predict… well… all this, way back in 2013 in their song “Text me Merry Christmas.”
This bop has it all, minus the Zoom holiday party references (note: was Zoom even a thing in 2013? look into this). “Text me Merry Christmas” lays out the perfect blueprint for a holiday spent in self-isolation. Whether you’re two minutes or two time-zones apart, follow Straight no Chaser and Kristen Bell’s tips for connecting with the people you love this year:
Tip number 1: “Fully charge your phone.” For obvious reasons.
Tip number 2: “Text me Merry Christmas.” Pretty simple, right?!
Tip number 3: “Choose just the right emoji.” Sounds like a challenge…
Tip number 4: “Text me something naughty (I promise I won’t tell!)” Hey, Santa’s already made his lists for the year.
Tip number 5: “A Facebook message isn’t quite as sweet.” Which makes it perfect for that relative that you want to talk to, but don’t really want to talk to. Ya feel?
Tip number 6: “I need more from @you than just a Tweet.” But you will have a little extra time to be a little extra funny this year.
Tip number 7: “A Snap on Snapchat doesn’t last.” Neither do Christmas cookies, but you don’t see me avoiding those.
Tip number 8: “And voicemail, that’s from Christmas past!” Lol, do phones even still have that?
Tip number 9: “Send a selfie too. If you do, I’ll go beneath the mistletoe and pretend my phone is you.” Umm… your choice, but make sure to disinfect it first (I’m serious).
(Pls note: if you say “I love you” to someone via text and they respond with “kthxbye,” I strongly encourage you to rethink the relationship.)
The best thing about this song is that it’s super catchy, but not in an annoying way. Listen to “Text me Merry Christmas” on Youtube now or stream it on Spotify.