Congratulations! You successfully transferred into your dream school….now what? On paper, it seems simple enough: research transfer-friendly schools, collect the required number of credits, and fill out your application by the deadlines. Easy, right? Except it is so much more than that; nobody talks about the part where you have to get used to a completely new campus and school culture as well as rebuild your social life from scratch. You are now essentially reliving your freshman year experience, except everyone in your grade has already settled in and found where they fit at the school. As a junior who transferred into the winter semester, I am all too familiar with the anxiety and unique challenges that come with being a transfer student. I was incredibly excited to finally be at my ‘dream’ school and restart my college life, but also incredibly stressed about whether or not I was going to be able to get the college experience I so desperately wanted. As I am approaching two months of being at my new school, I was, in fact, able to. Here is everything that I did to be able to live the college life of my dreams.
- Have Zero Shame
Without a doubt, my #1 tip is to have literally no shame. Don’t let the fear of being ‘cringe’ or ‘embarrassing’ stop you from living your life, i.e. don’t be afraid to approach people! In the best way possible, you are not that important. Contrary to what you might think, the majority of people you meet do not spend all of their time making fun of a stranger; they probably don’t even think about you half the amount that you think they do. Even if you do slip up and embarrass yourself, most people forget about it right after and move on with their day. I would strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere: in the dining hall, in the dorms, on my way to class. Chances are, they are looking to connect with you as well. Despite how glamorized it is, college can oftentimes be a very lonely and isolating time. Unlike grade school, everyone is on a different schedule, and busy with classes, projects, extracurriculars, internships, etc. As a result, there is no ‘forced proximity’, which can make forming and maintaining relationships very challenging. Even though it may feel like everyone has already found ‘their people’, rest assured that there are still many students open to forming new connections.
- Go Outside and Touch Some Grass
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT stay in your room! I get it, you’re in a new environment, you’re overwhelmed, and your room feels like the one ‘safe’ place. But trust me, that is one of if not THE biggest mistake that you can make. You can be the coolest, funniest, sweetest person ever, but if you never go out, none of that matters. A rule that I made for myself was that the only time I was allowed to be in my room was to sleep. The majority of my time was spent outside, whether that was attending class (which, by the way, is a great opportunity to trauma-bond with your classmates if it’s a particularly hard course!), explore events, getting lunch at the dining hall, or even just taking a stroll around campus. Eventually, other students will get used to seeing you around, just like you will get used to seeing them around, and the familiarity will make it easier to start conversations. Multiple of the people that I am friends with now have recognized me from class when I approached them in a different setting, which immediately gave us something to bond over and discuss. Literally just go outside and touch some grass; anything but staying inside all day.
- Get Involved
I cannot emphasize ENOUGH about how much of a game changer joining clubs/organizations is; I actually met one of my best friends at a HerCampus social event (and no, they did not force me to say that). Since clubs/organizations attract people with similar interests, you are more likely to find like- minded people there than any other place. It can be anything, from rushing to recreational sports to a fan club; just get involved in one way or another. Most schools offer dozens if not hundreds of clubs, so whether you are looking for something high or low commitment, academic-focused or more social- oriented, there is something out there for you if you are willing to look for it. My school hosted a giant three-day club fair shortly after I arrived, and I went to all three. I literally signed up for everything that I was even vaguely interested in, and eventually narrowed down to my top three. Take advantage of the events that your school holds; they do all the work of planning and advertising for you, so all you have to do is show up and bring your amazing self.
- Keep an Open Mind
I will be the first to admit that I am extremely stubborn and judgmental, not exactly the best combination for someone who is looking to expand their social circle. The moment that I let go of all my personal prejudices and preconceived notions about certain groups and the types of people in them, my life took a SIGNIFICANT turn for the better. When I entered college, I already had my mind made up that Greek life was one hundred percent NOT for me, based on all the negative stereotypes surrounding it and its members…well, guess who’s in a sorority now! Although it is not as common to rush as a junior, I still signed up for the COB (continuous late bidding) events and gave it a shot. I am so glad that I did, because now, I have so many sweet, caring, and funny girls to call my sisters. Don’t be afraid to try different things because the worst thing that can happen is that you find out it’s not your thing. Remember, you are free to leave at any given time.
- Slide into Their DM’s
One of the biggest things I was doing wrong as a college student trying to rebuild my social life was not being proactive enough. As dumb as it sounds, I did not expect making new friends in college to be this hard; I mean, everyone else did it with no problem, so how hard can it be, right? Everywhere around me, I saw so many students in big friend groups and posting on social media with all of them. I wrongly assumed that those things would just be dropped into my lap once I started college. Socializing/making friends is a skill, and like any other skill, it takes time, effort, and practice. The socializing aspect was never an issue for me, as I have always been quite open and outgoing, but turning ‘acquaintances’ into ‘friends’ was where I ran into trouble. It was extremely frustrating and confusing when I would have a great conversation with someone, and exchange contact information, but never hear from them. Looking back, it was very unrealistic of me to expect someone to become my best friend after one conversation, and I eventually learned that just talking to people wasn’t enough. You should like/comment on their posts, slide up on their stories, DM them to invite them to coffee or attend an event you think they’d be interested in. Keep these small interactions up and build up to the ‘friend’ stage.
To all my fellow transfer students out there, you are not alone! What you are going through is completely normal, so trust the process, and keep putting yourself out there. Don’t give up and don’t be afraid of making mistakes; with enough time and some trial and error, you will find your place at your new school as long as you go out there and MAKE IT HAPPEN!!