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Real Live College Guy: Netflix and Chill?

Why don’t guys ask girls out anymore instead of just trying to hook up at parties or “Netflix and chill”?

The easy answer to this question is brainwash. Yes, you heard me, brainwash. The expectations that guys have going into college is that everyone is hooking up, everyone is in it for a good time, and that’s what you have to do in order to get the quintessential college experience. Some guys are honestly either too afraid to stray from that seemingly amazing lifestyle or they are actually just buying into what they were promised was the norm: that they can treat women like objects, sleep around with whoever they want, and every day of their college career will just be one big party. We obviously know none of this is true; however, it is hard to get some guys to look away from the enticing lights on the college party façade. Now on the other hand, there are plenty of guys at Michigan that did not succumb to the media brainwash. These guys are looking for more something more, and you will see obvious differences between them and your average “Netflix and chill” guy. These are the guys that will ask you out on a date instead of asking if you want to sneak off to some sketchy bedroom at a house party “to have some privacy”. They may be a bit apprehensive to make the first move since they are becoming more and more of a dying breed, but I promise they’re out there, and you’ll be glad when you finally find one. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and all of our friends keep asking if we’re going to get married. What’s a good response to this that falls somewhere between I love my boyfriend and I’m only 20 years old?

The reasons why some people assume that couples who have been dating for more than two or three years in college will get married comes from two main ideas. The first is that because college is stereotyped as a hookup culture, anyone who is in a more committed relationship is seen as having something serious. The second reason is that people buy into the hallmark fantasy of finding “the one” in college, so anyone who has a relationship lasting more than one or two months is seen as trying to get married. This leaves the people in these relationships on a very slippery slope. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that there are times where it can be exhilarating, terrifying, and nauseating all at once, and being at college doesn’t help us become any better at dealing with these feelings. As important as our relationship is to us, it’s often a very awkward question when someone asks you if you’re going to get married. The first thought that probably goes through your head is panic: “Why would you say that? I’m so young, I have so much more to accomplish before I get married!” Just remember to take a deep breath, and everything will be fine. A somewhat safe way to respond to the “Are you guys going to get married?”question could be: “We really care about each other a lot and right now we’re just enjoying being together, and we’ll see where it takes us.” This answer keeps you out of the “I would get married right now” response as well as not saying anything that might indicate you don’t care about your significant other. The overall impression it gives is that you are happy where things are and if the relationship is meant to progress, it will, and if it isn’t, it won’t.

After all, college is a crazy time where you learn a lot about yourself and others, and as great as it is to have someone there to experience everything with you, that doesn’t mean that’s the person you have to end up with.


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Senior studying Cellular and Molecular Biology. In my free time I'm a part of the club Michigan Triathlon Team where I train for various triathlons and marathons/half marathons.
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