It is November and it is evident to me and all those around me that Sophomore Slump does not exist…but Junior Slump CERTAINLY does. This year is flying but it feels like it never really started. Last night, a SATURDAY night, while sitting at home with a bunch of friends we got to thinking, why the eff are we all sitting around eating Funfetti cake at 11 pm on a Saturday night. Hardly any of us could remember the last time we had been to a bar, some of us, myself included, couldn’t even remember the last time we put on jeans…it is safe to say we were in a slump. The fact that we were considering participating in No Shave November sort of said it all…and that is partially only a joke.
After our depressing conversation about what our lives have come to, I started theorizing. What is it about being a Junior that has caused us to slump? So, here are the theories I have come up with:
Too much school: Being Juniors, we have finally made it to the upper-level classes of our majors. We are no longer exploring our options and sleeping around with different majors, but now classes are intimate. They are smaller, not massive lectures, causing us more stress and about fifty times the work.
Too little nightlife: We, for the most part, are not yet 21, which means we cannot go to the bars. And, it seems these days that even the bars that used to be hotspots for the minors on campus are inundated with the PoPo…so scratch that. We are also too old for Fraternities. Slash, I don’t think I could truly stomach the sticky floors combined with that vile stank like I used to be able to. So where does that leave us aside from eating baked goods (and, I am not even talking about the baked goods most college kids are trying to eat) on a Saturday night?
Younger Girls Crampin’ Our Style: As Avicci or Aloe Blacc (I like to give Aloe the credit, because I think he sometimes does not receive the credit where credit is due) would say, we have woken up now because we’re wiser and we’re older. As a junior girl, we are old enough to not fall for the tricks of guys who are only to trying to tap two things, a keg and, well, you can figure out the rest. There are now a plethora of younger girls, who have the bodies and are still willing to only partially dress themselves, to make the dumb mistakes we already have.
That is all I got so far, but if you are reading this and have some better answers PLEASE HMU!! One of the valuable lessons I have learned from my Michigan education thus far is that in order to solve a problem, it is first necessary to discover the route of the issue. And, I don’t know about you but I really am not down for another weekend consisting of BurgerFi shakes and Netflix marathons.