We all fall victim to “doom scrolling” on one platform or another, especially nowadays when everything is stressful and bad (just kidding, but you know what I mean!). You’d think that this concept would only apply to common social media platforms that let us stalk a thousand of our closest friends and spread information on current events, but I think that it also applies (in an arguably far worse way) to dating apps. My close friends and I spend way too much time on Tinder and Hinge, and sometimes it’s a fun game for us to play, but other times it feels a lot more serious.
We share a lot about what we think our romantic futures are going to look like – our worries, our reservations, our hopes – but it’s ultimately not a super optimistic conversation. As someone who has never been in an official (romantic) relationship, it feels like “Well what do I know?” But I have been embroiled in a few “situationships” gone bad, which leads me to ask, “When will it go well?” Talking with my friends about these questions made me realize that although it’s not an isolated struggle, sometimes it makes things worse if you know that everyone around you is also hopeless.
Soon our fun Tinder and Hinge games turned into worrying about whether love will ever come our way; so many people have been or are in relationships by college, but that just isn’t our case. For any specific reason? Not really, which makes the mystery of it all even more discouraging. In many ways, it feels like a lifelong slump in the romance department and it’s hard to even understand why. Instead of these apps being fun and exciting, it’s turned into a reminder of just how alone we are. It seems there is just no light at the end of the tunnel for any of us.
Why do we keep going back to these apps even when they make us sad? Well, maybe it’s for the same reason that “doom scrolling” enthralls so many of us on Instagram: FOMO! It feels important to keep searching to make sure we aren’t missing out on anything – in this case, a relationship. In my opinion, we “doom scroll” due to our fear that we aren’t doing enough to find the perfect significant other. On dating apps, the whole idea is that you find someone and then you delete the app and everything works out, but that isn’t the situation that we are finding ourselves in.
Every time we open these apps, we see boys that look interesting and could fit into our lives but the situation still feels hopeless because who’s to say if he’s “The One”? What if we are continuing to waste time looking in the wrong places? The longer you scroll without any success, the more disheartening it becomes. Yet the idea of finding someone perfect still plagues us. Who wouldn’t want to see an incredibly hot, kind, and interesting boy on a dating app, to match with him, and find true love? That exact fantasy keeps us going, I think. But the fantasy doesn’t bring joy because, at this point, it’s almost like we have to keep scrolling and swiping and matching and talking with strangers. After all, how else are we going to make a romantic connection nowadays? Do you really want to find your soulmate in a bar or at the club? Be honest. And maybe you do, and that’s great, but for the rest of us, it feels nearly impossible to find someone the “natural way”. Everyone is always on their phones and these apps attract so many people that it seems like the success rate would be higher. For many people, I think that it gives them more confidence to showcase themselves behind a screen rather than actually go up to someone in class or another social setting. Also, what kinda classes are y’all taking where there are hot boys? I want to know ASAP!
It can feel like there is no way out of this doom-scrolling-loop and instead of worrying about current events or our friend’s vacation photos, we worry about the future of our love lives and the looming possibility of failure. What if we are alone forever? What if we can’t find a boyfriend for years and then we feel like we missed out on “young love”? What if *gasp* we never find love?
Some of my friends have started to say that finding a partner is less important now that they feel more secure in their career opportunities and future, while others (like myself) grow more antsy over finding a partner every day because of the sheer FOMO of it all! But, what can you do? At the end of the day, I think the best (and also most painful advice) is to just wait. I wish I knew of another solution. Trying and failing at dating apps sucks but maybe it’s all part of the journey to finding a good partner. I don’t think finding love in college is hopeless – at all. But it happens at different times and places for everyone. I am a true believer in “meant to be” so maybe if you haven’t had luck on a dating app, it just wasn’t meant to be, and that’s OK. The time will come; you will eventually have romantic success. But, if this Valentine’s Day hit you like a Mack truck, I’m sorry and I wish you luck with your dating app endeavors – you’ll need it.