Stepping into my junior year was difficult. I was overzealous with the idea that everything was going to be the same as my first two years at U of M, years filled with new experiences and the fleeting existence of being a kid. Everyone tells you about the sophomore slump and the effects of the long winter months and how you wish in that moment for the end of the school year and to start fresh in the fall. What they don’t tell you, is that you are wishing away the years and the position of being an underclassman and the acceptability of being lost in the world that is new and exciting.
It now feels different. There isn’t the same level of intimacy with the encounters and the experiences you face because everything seems all too familiar. The first day of classes doesn’t feel so scary, tour groups on campus make you feel far too nostalgic, and everyday feels just exactly that.. “a day.” The routine in which I found myself brought sentiments I didn’t know existed and didn’t think would ever go away.
College is difficult because there really is no mental break. It is a constant battle of stimulation with your peers and your own thoughts about what’s happening next in your life. Before you know it, the darties turn into all night cramming sessions and the leaves fall awaiting the first snow. We don’t give ourselves enough time to breathe or even think about everything we have going for us in that moment in time.
I’ve tried to do a lot of soul searching. Tried to find this “person” that everyone says would come to you so naturally as immerse yourself in independence. What I have found is that this is truly a difficult task. There is no sweeping motion that shows how you’ve changed and grown, but have to focus on finding yourself in the little tasks and challenges that life brings. Breaking this routine and this constant worry about your next life move is essential to breaking down your vulnerability. Look up from your phone at the tangible amenities that each season brings, do all the things you haven’t done because you feared the consequence, and don’t look too far into the future because you will lose those precious moments in between.
You also gotta stop looking for this persona that you think college would mold you into. Everything will shape you because, believe it or not, these years are more formative than high school. Finding yourself is finding your own definition of happiness and pure joy. Once you find those things, you will look back on the person that you were and see the development of yourself in a way that you never could of fashioned yourself.
Images courtesy of: Olivia Binke and Huffington Post