It’s fair to say everyone likes to be in control at least a little bit. Some people are comfortable admitting their inner control-freak tendencies, while others vehemently deny it. Whether it’s an acknowledged or hidden trait – let’s face it ladies, it exists. Think about a time you attempted to control a situation in the past. Was it the college you swore you were going to go to or was it your living situation sophomore year? I was convinced I was going to enroll in a super preppy college in the South, wear pearls and sundresses 362 days of the year, and meet Mr. Right in my Politics for the Idealist 101 seminar. None of that happened. When I think about the situations I tried to control in the past, the majority of them didn’t pan out according to my plan. And I wouldn’t even call myself a class-A control freak.
So why do we feel this incessant need to micromanage and monitor our lives even when past examples show that the plan we have perfectly and meticulously mapped out will probably change? One main reason is fear – fear that something bad will happen and fear we, or someone else, might get hurt. We also have a lack of trust in people and entities beside ourselves. We trust ourselves the most because our actions are the only ones we can completely control. So we’re scared to let go and we have a hard time believing that things will work out unless we force them to work out.
Listen ladies – it’s time to learn to relinquish that control. When we control things, we worry. We stress about the plan. What if the plan isn’t realistic? What if others don’t pull through and the plan doesn’t work? We are ultimately let down if our plan fails because in some way we feel that we have failed. When I think about some of my most memorable moments, I realize the majority of them were unplanned and spontaneous. So how do we move on from here?
1) Be honest with yourself. How much of a control-freak are you? Once you have an answer, you will know how much you should or need to work on letting go.
2) Start simple. Stop trying to plan things down to the tiniest detail. Maybe decide that you won’t plan what you’re doing Saturday and instead wait to see what opportunities will unfold. Then wake up and decide what you want to do on the day. Or think a little bigger. Stop worrying about what you will do when you’re home, at a relative’s home, or still here for Thanksgiving break. Maybe you won’t do EVERYTHING you want but enjoy the things you do end up doing.
3) Don’t let the future scare you. In 4, 3, 2, or maybe even 1 (yikes!) year, you will be leaving college life behind and starting your life in the real world. Yes, you will have to find a job, live on your own, pay your own bills, decide if you want to go to grad school or join the Peace Corp, but realize how exciting these opportunities are. There’s a good chance you will end up happy with whatever you choose – and if you don’t, try something else. And sometimes the most amazing opportunities present themselves in strange and last minute ways – so keep your options open.
4) Understand and accept your powerlessness. Don’t let this scare you – it’s a good thing. Wonderful things can happen if you let them. So try as best you can to live in the moment and enjoy the present. A bit new age healing sounding – but so true.
Last night I saw a movie where the main character seems to be doing everything right. He’s living a healthy and active life and he’s young. Yet he ends up finding himself in a chemotherapy room with two men at least fifty years his senior. The whole movie I couldn’t help but think that controlling our situation is in some way pointless because in the end, there is a good chance the universe will shatter our plans. So ladies, try your hardest to stop stressing about the plan and learn the art of surrendering.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mich chapter.