“What is a confession of love if not the original apology?
I love you
I’m sorry.”
– Silas Denver Melvin.
To love is both a blessing and a curse. To be fully captivated by another and enamored with their being feels almost as if there is a spell cast on you. To be in love is to be blind while also gaining sight on beauty you had never taken notice of before. Love, with its flaws, vulnerability and chaos, is one of the most beautiful things.
I recently had a conversation about love with some of my closest friends, and I found two opposing viewpoints about it. I had one friend completely encapsulated by the idea of love, and another who almost viewed it as a delusion. These differing perspectives brought forth so many questions; What is love? Is love even real? How do you know when you love someone? Is it worth the risk of heartbreak?
To start, love is something that permeates a variety of relationships we have, whether it is platonic, familial, romantic, or even self-love. However, my main discussion focuses on romantic love and how special it truly is. According to Buddhist philosophy, love is to wish happiness for another person and to be elated with their being, hoping to offer that person affection and beautiful things without wanting anything in return. However, love is more than just a feeling, but rather an experience. As said by Jhene Aiko, we do not fall into love, we grow into love.
Growing into love is a continuous process. To love someone isn’t to say that you learn to love that person once and it still is the same. We are constantly evolving as people, constantly learning things about each other and about ourselves, and we are learning more about our love for each other that can to grow and evolve. Love is incessant and unconditional, but the circumstances of your life may change and may make that love different. This is often discouraging for many people, straying them away from love in fear of heartbreak and change, and it may even make it seem as though love is not real.
Though the feelings that accompany love are not necessarily tangible, they are shown in other things that can be seen. Love can look like bringing your partner an umbrella when it’s raining, and they forget theirs. It can look like stealing traffic cones together on the walk home. It can look like giving them their favorite foods or flowers just because. It can look like sitting with each other in silence because you enjoy their company. Love can be so many things because it does not have any rules.
The fear of the unknown that goes with romantic relationships is daunting and often discourages attachment. So many people avoid love with the idea that they will inevitably be met with pain. While all love has the risk of inducing heartbreak, it is not something we should avoid. Love is a pulchritudinous learning experience. It is a gift and a top-tier feeling, and even if it does result in heartbreak, to have love is to have the feeling of the universe in your hands. We should love with abundance and without hesitation.
I am a firm believer in the fact that if you love someone, you will always love that person. This is not an idea commonly shared, as many believe that true love must persist. Even biblical descriptions of love claim that true love never fails. However, love being characterized as either a success or a failure undermines the actual meaning of love. It is not a challenge or prize to win or lose. Therefore, claiming a failed relationship is misrepresentative of love does not account for the fact that we as humans grow and change, and sometimes the circumstances of our lives do not allow particular relationships. Though one can argue that if you truly loved somebody, you would ensure the relationship you have with them persists. However, sometimes things do not work out, but that does not mean the love was not there and will not always remain.
Love is rich and warm. It is tender and caring. It is patient and kind. It is extremely beautiful and should be approached with open arms as opposed to being feared. It is both easy to do and difficult to navigate. It is almost indescribable. Most importantly, it is a gift bestowed upon us by our humanness and should be embraced. We should love each other more. We should love love.