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While we collegiettes have pretty much got it down with knowing how to handle classes, extracurricular activities, friends, and social events, one aspect can still be frustrating: navigating through romantic relationships. Even in college, we’re still learning through trial and error about what behaviors are denoted as “cute” and others as “crazy” by guys. Though our intentions may be good, our actions may give off a different vibe. We tend to speculate on these issues with our girl friends in frequent heart-to-hearts, but we don’t really know what we do or did wrong. Whether you’re in a casual hookup dynamic or a more serious long term relationship, figuring out what causes a relationship to fade or just come to an abrupt stop can be confusing. Fear not, because our campus cutie gives us his perspective on this issue.
Name: Adam Naylor
Major: Biomedical Engineering
Hometown: Jackson, MI
Interests: triathlons, frisbee, violin and music
Favorite Quote: “God does not play dice with the universe.” – Albert Einstein
Turn Ons: positive, active, genuine, caring
Turn Offs: pessimistic, mean-spirited, overbearing
Her Campus: What are “red flags” for you when you’re in a serious relationship, casually dating, or hooking up with a girl?
Adam Naylor: One of the biggest red flags that a girl can display in any type of relationship is insecurity or neediness. This trait can show itself in many different forms, and guys will pick up on things like texting too much or being too negative towards herself or others. Being high maintenance or overly dependent is another huge red flag. Independence and confidence is a big turn-on for guys.
HC: Is it bad for a girl to text a guy often? Is there such a thing as too much texting (in words or in emojis)? :
AN: Texting too much is certainly a pet peeve. Of course, trying to determine how much texting is too much will depend on the relationship and how it has evolved. It doesn’t hurt to have a conversation with the guy about what he expects in terms of texting so you don’t have to guess at it. That will show that you are a mature communicator. I also don’t think using emojis is a pet peeve for most people. For me, well placed emojis in texts can be cute, clever, or funny and will make me that much more attracted to the girl.
HC: Do you like when a girl takes the initiative to call or text? How do you feel about girls pursuing guys through social media, like FB, twitter, snapchat, etc.?
AN: Don’t hesitate to take initiative to call or text a guy. If you are more interested in a serious relationship, I would recommend phone calls over texts/social media. Phone calls are more personal than texts. It is also easier to pick up on cues when you’re talking rather than through a phone or computer screen. Since the norm these days is to text rather than call, a phone call will make you stand out. If you are interested in a less serious relationship, then texting or social media are fine.
HC: When is an appropriate time for a girl to discuss the “future” of a relationship?
AN: It’s appropriate for a girl to bring up the future of a relationship very early on. I think it’s actually a very important step in the process because, if nothing else, it will force the guy to gather his thoughts and feelings on the relationship and talk about them instead of just letting it passively run its course. However, be careful to not let the guy think that he’s being backed into a corner on making a decision about the future – it’s just a starter conversation. It should be open and honest. If you want a serious relationship, don’t lie about it, or if you want a casual fling, you should be honest about that as well. Lying will lead to hurt feelings down the road.
HC: If a girl has demonstrated some of these “red flag” behaviors, can she get out of them and fix the situation to maintain the relationship?
AN: It’s always possible to maintain a relationship through red flag behaviors, as long as the girl is putting in effort to fix the problems and the guy is patient enough to give her time.
His advice: Approach the dating scene with some perspective and be positive. Every guy is different, and every relationship will be different. We are all making mistakes and learning as we go. Always try to be positive and keep in mind that there are many guys out there yet to be met.