Dear (younger) Esha,
Bear with me as we go down memory lane.
When it comes to representation, I know how badly you crave it. And how the lack of anyone in the media who looks like you has broken your heart. The closest you’ve ever got was the American Girl doll your mom bought you. You used to hate whenever your friends at after-school care said to choose the doll that looked most like yourself, knowing that not a single one of them did. You hate being questioned about your skin tone and feeling alone in your small town. I remember you looking up at TV screens wondering why you could never see even a small part of yourself in any movie or TV character. When you auditioned for the school play, you’re reminded by a peer that “people in theater don’t really look the way you do”. You exist in your world, but it’s as if you’re invisible in the media world.
You wonder if the media can’t see you or if maybe they do see you and choose to ignore you.
Time passes, and eventually, you stop caring. You figured you weren’t going to see anyone who truly looked like you on the big screen, and besides, you think there are much bigger problems. But eventually, you become a teenager and you meet someone named Kamala.
In 2016, you moved to another high school and for the first time, you have peers with skin tones similar to yours. You don’t feel alien walking into school every day. And one glorious day, you discover Ms. Marvel, aka Kamala Khan at the library. You look at the comic book’s cover and do a double-take. Here is a south Asian young adult on the cover of a marvel comic book. It couldn’t be. Disbelief clogs your mind as you rapidly flip through the pages. For a second you wonder if the comic book is even real.
And then you actually read it. I remember how the need for representation and the feelings surrounding the lack of it came flooding back. You end up with tears in your eyes after reading the first issue. As you look at Ms. Marvel, you see a young, Pakistani woman, who is strong, brave, and intelligent, yet battling to figure out who she is. You see a young woman struggling with her racial and religious identities, all while taking on the weight of the world. But most of all, you see yourself.
We’ve come a long way since then. From Never Have I Ever to The Wilds, you see yourself more and more in the media. And now Ms. Marvel is a TV show on Disney’s major streaming service, Disney Plus. You’ll get to see one day, a young woman who looks like you and goes through similar struggles. You’ll see a part of you, Esha, in Kamala Khan.
While I can’t take away the hurt or sadness surrounding feeling alone in your identity, I can tell you it gets better and you continue to reconnect with your identities. Keep being vocal about the importance of representation, because you and your voice matter: then, now, and always.
With love and hope,
(older) Esha