We’ve all done it. We’ve all texted our latest hook up and then sat impatiently by our phone waiting for them to text back. And when they never do, our minds immediately go to the worst thought: “I’m not good enough.” Well darling, don’t be down on yourself! Here is a list of some very rational reasons as to why your phone hasn’t buzzed just yet.
1. He’s doing his laundry.
2. His cat died and he needs to deal with it.
3. He’s babysitting his niece.
4. He fell asleep.
5. His boat broke down and he is lost at sea.
6. He ran out of toilet paper while in the bathroom and now he has to wait for someone to arrive home.
7. He was kidnapped while hitchhiking.
8. He dropped his phone in the lake.
9. Aliens abducted him.
10. He was forced into an arranged marriage.
11. He had to go to his mother’s aunt’s best friend’s granddaughter’s wedding.
12. He’s shaving.
13. His little sister is playing Candy Crush on his iPhone.
14. He’s on an airplane.
15. He’s in an intense beer pong tournament and can’t get away.
16. He’s spending time making the tough decision about what to barbeque tonight.
17. He’s taking the MCAT.
18. He’s taking the LSAT.
19. He’s supposed to be studying for the MCAT or the LSAT but is playing video games instead.
20. He fell asleep again.
21. He’s at his book club.
22. He asked his Grandma to teach him to knit.
23. He’s at work.
24. He’s planning his mom a surprise birthday party.
25. He’s popping his zits.
26. His phone is on silent.
27. He was clipping his toenails and one of them hit him in the eye and now he is in the ER.
28. He’s binge-watching Orange is the New Black.
29. He’s getting his tan on.
30. He’s Instagramming his fishbowl at Charley’s. #summer2014
31. He’s hiking.
32. He’s in the shower contemplating the meaning of life.
33. His sushi chef is taking his time on the California rolls.
34. He chose to turn his phone off for 24 hours, because why not?
35. He’s watching an all-day marathon of The Jersey Shore.
36. His hot pocket exploded in the microwave and now he has to clean it.
37. He’s cleaning out his garage.
38. He’s walking his dog.
39. He’s running a marathon.
40. He’s holding up a sign while supporting someone running a marathon.
41. He had to disconnect his phone due to a stalker.
42. He’s driving.
43. He’s at work.
44. He took his little sister to the zoo and she pushed him in to the lion den.
45. He’s at his yoga class.
46. He’s teaching a yoga class.
47. He’s taking care of his dog while is mom teaches a yoga class.
48. He went for a bike ride.
49. He got caught in the rain while he was on his bike ride and now his phone has water damage.
50. His phone died.
51. He forgot to write a paper and now he has to pull an all-nighter trying to finish it.
52. He’s baking cupcakes.
53. He’s helping his mom bake cupcakes.
54. He’s eating a pan full of cupcakes that his mom made earlier that day.
55. He’s playing Yahtzee.
56. He’s celebrating winning Yahtzee.
57. He’s watching The Princess Bride.
58. He’s role-playing The Princess Bride.
59. He’s at the grocery store.
60. He had to pick up a box of tampons for his sister and can’t figure out what “super-plus” means.
61. He is still sobbing over “The Fault in Our Stars” and doesn’t want human contact for a full 48 hours.
62. He’s at his little brother’s soccer game.
63. He’s coaching his little brother’s soccer game.
64. He’s finishing up his shift at Build-a-Bear.
65. He’s contemplating what to name his next Facebook album.
66. He’s making a smoothie.
67. He’s taking a cooking class so he can eat more than just smoothies.
68. He’s in a meeting with his boss.
69. His boss is promoting him.
70. He’s buying a new phone case.
71. He’s binge watching Game of Thrones.
72. He’s deciding what “Throwback Thursday” to Instagram.
73. He’s volunteering at the nursing home.
74. He’s designing a new app.
75. He ventured off to Disney World.
76. He decided to take a job as Mickey Mouse at Disney World.
77. He fell asleep in the sun without sunscreen on and now he can’t move due to bad burns. Ouch.
78. He’s learning how to juggle.
79. He’s at a concert.
80. He got pulled over for speeding.
81. He’s talking his way out of a speeding ticket.
82. He’s fixing his bike.
83. He’s buying a new car.
84. Netflix and Nutella got the best of him.
85. He went apple picking.
86. He’s jet skiing.
87. He’s washing his car.
88. He’s planning a road trip.
89. He’s on a road trip.
90. He got lost while on the road trip he planned and can’t find his hotel so now he can’t charge his phone.
91. The line at Subway is really really really long.
92. He’s getting a haircut.
93. He’s having a night with his bros.
94. He’s buying a new suit.
95. He left his phone in the sun and now it won’t let him use it due to overheating.
96. He’s online shopping.
97. He’s spending 15 minutes to save him 15% or more on car insurance.
98. He’s auditioning for American Idol.
99. He hasn’t seen your text. Or he saw your text and is going to text back later. Or maybe he doesn’t understand that you are going to spend the next couple of hours in agony waiting for him to text back until he decides to respond to you and to the four or five other people that are trying to reach him too. Including his mother who is just as frustrated as you are.
No matter the reason, just take a deep breath and do something to take your mind off of it. If he ends up not texting back at all, don’t sweat the small stuff. Facebook stalking him is way more fun anyway.