I love doing things alone, but it wasn’t always this way. I used to dread having to go anywhere alone, shopping, appointments, traveling, really anything you can possibly imagine. I was afraid of people staring, thinking I was weird for being alone, judging every little thing I did. It took me years to get over this fear… well, it’s still a work in progress, but the confidence I have built from simply going and doing has made exploring cities alone much less scary.
Moving across the country for school really changed how I went about everything… I wasn’t surrounded by the familiar people I would usually go out with and was yet to find people who I was ready to explore this new city with, so I thought: What if I just do it alone? Immediately my brain was like You’re insane, you can’t do that alone.
But why? Why can’t I do it alone? There was no real reason I couldn’t, but I think I felt some sort of embarrassment around being alone in public. All the negative What ifs were running through my brain but I failed to think, What if it goes right? What if nobody cares about what I am doing alone? And to be honest, nobody actually cares. People are much more concerned about themselves than they are with the people around them.
From my most recent solo trip to New York City (and first solo trip as well), I have come up with five things that will help grow your confidence in being alone:
- Look Good, Feel Good
-
This is one of the first tactics I used when beginning my solo adventures. I feel my best when I am in an outfit I love. Like the saying says, when you look good (in your eyes), you feel good, and when you feel good, you look even better. It’s a feedback loop that will help to destress the situation.
Anything from wearing what you find comfy, to wearing something super fashionable. Doing simple makeup, or something extravagant. Trying a new hairstyle, or doing your usual look, whatever you feel most comfortable in will achieve the look good, feel good goal.
- Embrace The Unavoidable
-
It’s inevitable. You’re going to feel nervous, embarrassed, even hyper-aware of any person who looks at you… and that’s ok! To get over the discomfort, you’re just going to have to expose yourself to it.
As someone with social anxiety, I always feel like people are watching and judging me. But as I have put myself in these situations increasingly over time, I have begun to not only get over the discomfort, but also realized people really don’t care what I am doing.
- Start Small
-
I wouldn’t recommend going straight into a big trip. Start with something simple like taking a walk around campus alone, going to a coffee shop or cafe to study or just hang out.
I started by eating alone at lunch and getting groceries alone. From there I decided to take a big leap and go to a concert alone and it was the best idea I ever had. After doing that, the smaller things became much easier and I have worked my way up to bigger solo adventures like New York.
- Make A Plan
-
Having a plan can make your adventure significantly less stressful. Begin by figuring out exactly what you want to do and maybe even in what order. From there, look at your transportation options: train, car, rideshare, walking, etc. For public transportation, you can begin to look at arrival and departure times so you have a better idea of how long to spend at certain locations.
All these things really helped me feel more confident when I was traveling through New York alone. I knew what I was doing, what trains I was taking and when I was taking them, exactly how long it would take to get from one place to the next, and so on.
- Bring An Activity For When You’re Traveling
-
Headphones, a book, a camera, anything. Try and give yourself something to do that may help distract you from your thoughts.
I personally listen to podcasts or audiobooks when I am going out because I find I can focus on the stories rather than my thoughts about people looking at me or what they are thinking about me.
Lastly I would like to leave a list of activities you can do alone, some that definitely will feel more uncomfortable than others, but remember: Doing things alone is totally normal!
- Take a walk around campus
- Visit a museum
- Go to the movies
- Take yourself out to dinner
- Visit and explore a new city
- Go on a hike (make sure someone knows where you are!)
- Take yourself to a cafe or coffee shop
- Go to a concert!
- Try pilates, a spin class, or yoga
- Visit an aquarium or the zoo
- Take pottery or painting class