“Stop saying sorry.”
“Okay, I’ll stop…sorry!”
The conundrum that almost every young woman faces in her life: trying to overcome the urge to apologize for every little thing.
This can range from apologizing for a minor inconvenience or over-apologizing for simply living. Sometimes you can be hit back with the “stop apologizing!” but other times, you may be unconsciously shrinking yourself for your perceived comfort of others.
Somewhere along the way, we may be taught that we are inconveniencing others or taking up space. Whether we feel like we are in the way or simply trying to please everyone around us, over-apologizing is often the band-aid solution.
Young women are essentially programmed to apologize first, save face, make amends, and avoid conflict. But, it is time to reclaim your power and expel any shame swarming your capacity to take up space.
I’m not saying to ward off apologizing forever in arrogance, just when it is unnecessary and detrimental to your own self-respect. Knowing when you deserve to live freely without the urge to apologize for every little thing is liberation in itself. You just have to know when an apology is necessary, and when it isn’t!
An apology is not necessary when you are simply living life. Maybe you are laughing loudly at someone’s joke, or maybe you are walking and randomly trip, or maybe someone bumps into you without apologizing — none of these should evoke an utterance of “sorry” out of your mouth. You are allowed to be the loudest cackle in the room, you are allowed to awkwardly trip in front of others, and you are allowed to feel worthy of respect when someone else fails to acknowledge your presence.
Take a step back and become cognizant of where your constant apologies may be growing unnecessary. Plus, saying “sorry” all the time can retract from when it genuinely matters. It is okay to feel concerned about others’ ease — in fact, it is a truly commendable gesture! But, it is just as important not to lose your own.
If you are concerned about how others may feel when you stop apologizing for existing — no one will view you as less than others based on how often you say sorry. Instead, those who matter will revere you for your growing sense of self. You are allowed to reclaim your power.
This seems easier said than done. Reprogramming what has been ingrained in our brains to be agreeable and complacent is no simple feat. However, it starts with acknowledging that you deserve to live life uninhibited by the urge to apologize for things that are not your fault — things that occur just because you exist!
At the end of the day, your kindness will not be overlooked — regardless of how often you apologize. Just remember that you deserve to be kind to yourself as well. In the wise words of Taylor Swift: “Never be so polite, you forget your power / Never wield such power, you forget to be polite.”
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