We’ve all heard the words, “I’m not being mean, I’m just brutally honest.” Brutal honesty is being as blunt as possible in any given situation. And yes, it can be necessary when a friend is seeking truthful advice about a given situation. But there are times when brutal honesty is used as a cover-up to put others down, and that’s not okay.
As a friend, I want to help my friends as much as I can. Whether it’s about a relationship, mental health, or what I think of an outfit, I find myself constantly listening and giving advice to my friends. A rule I try to follow when speaking to others is: if it’s not something they can change, don’t comment on it.
For lack of a better example, if my friend has lipstick on their teeth, I’ll obviously tell them so they can quickly fix it. But I won’t comment on the way their smile looks, because they can’t change that and it would leave them feeling sh*tty. I think of this as a golden rule for giving advice because it draws the line between being honest and being rude to those who we love. I think speaking to our friends with warmth and empathy is so necessary, regardless of how close we may be.
As much as brutal honesty can be needed with our friends, it’s really not for those you aren’t close with. Don’t get me wrong, it can be so tempting to speak negatively about someone you don’t like. I’ve seen people do this; they’ll speak ruthlessly about someone and follow it with, “I’m just saying it like it is.” It’s something that I still struggle with, but the older I get, the more I try to limit the way I speak about others. I’ve learned that if someone isn’t seeking out my honest opinion, I won’t share it. I don’t need to insert myself into someone else’s personal life because it’s not mine, and my advice is not asked for. It’s hard, but it’s so worth the peace of mind it gives to mind your business.
Overall, it’s so important to keep the dialogue between our friends healthy and uplifting. The way I see it is, there’s so much cruelty and judgment in the world, and friendships should be a safe space from that. So, compliment your friends and remind them that you love them. And when brutal honesty is needed, give it intentionally and with care.
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