SZA’s CTRL has quite literally had me in a chokehold since it came out. The twelfth track, “Normal Girl,” stuck out to me when I listened to the album because I find it so incredibly relatable. While the production of the song is upbeat and catchy, I listen to it as more of a sad song because it describes a lot of the inner dialogue I’ve had with myself over the years.
I would say that it’s pretty frustrating for Black women in the dating scene. Of course, no one “needs” a relationship to be happy, or to feel loved and wanted. I remember in high school when a lot of my friends were getting into relationships and having a number of guys pursue them romantically. And at the time, I obviously wanted to experience the same things as my friends, who were mostly white and fit the beauty standard. I always fantasized about romance and what it would be like, but I never felt like it was something I could actually receive. In the song, she sings that she wishes she was the “type of girl you’d take over to mama” and the “type of girl your fellas they’d be proud of.” These lyrics resonate with me because I never was that “type” of girl, despite my various attempts.
I want to be clear: it isn’t anyone’s fault but society and the beauty standards we’ve created that seem to center around white women. But it can be damaging when you’re young and surrounded by the idea that dark skin and big hair aren’t attractive, and that you need to be attractive to be pursued. I think what SZA writes about in “Normal Girl” is an experience that almost all women of color go through, especially Black women. I’ve had a lot of growth since this song dropped before my freshman year of high school, but these insecurities and frustrations have still followed me into my freshman year of college. At the end of the song, she comes full circle to say that she’s “just a normal girl” with the same insecurities and struggles as everyone else. And her song makes me feel less crazy for having these insecurities, because even someone as attractive as SZA has felt the same way.
Even with these vulnerabilities, it’s important to remember that beauty standards are just a made up set of rules that humans created. It sounds cliche, but if you’re reading this, know that you are so beautiful and deserving of love. And stream the rest of CTRL by SZA. You will not regret it.
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