I had a really difficult time choosing where I wanted to go to college. I never grew up dreaming of attending a certain university. My decision to attend UMass Amherst was very analytical. I made hundreds of phone calls and several pros and cons lists which helped me decide that UMass was the best fit for me. My boyfriend, on the other hand, knew for the longest time that he would attend UMass Amherst. Most of his siblings went to this school and he had lots of memories of visiting them in college. When I had made the ultimate decision to commit to this school, I was nervous that people would assume that I decided to attend UMass solely because I would be comforted by the fact that my boyfriend would be there as well. I knew for myself that I had made this decision 100% independently and did not make it based off of the fact that we would be attending the same college.
As time went on, the realization that my boyfriend and I would move onto campus together started to kick in. I grew more and more excited about the fact that we wouldn’t attend schools that were hundreds of miles apart, and that I would be able to see him frequently in the dining hall, across campus, or in his dorm room. I thought that things would be easier for us. We wouldn’t have to make plans in advance and coordinate rides to go on dates. Little did I know that things would not be easy.
Arriving on campus for the first time is a very unique and exciting experience, but it can also be very overwhelming. The urge to make friends upon arrival is so strong. Of course, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t establish a solid friend group the first week of school, but it can feel that way. A lot of times this stress causes us to deprioritize time with ourselves and the people that we are comfortable with. When my boyfriend and I were fully moved in, it seemed impossible to find time to spend with each other. At the beginning, I had dismissed the anxieties regarding the situation. I wanted us both to go outside of our comfort zone, to branch out and try to make friends. As time went on, the difficulties of us making time for each other grew, and I realized that I was really affected by the time we spent apart. At times I wondered if it would have been easier for us to attend different schools. At least then I could blame the times we spent apart on the distance and not on our efforts. After constant anxiousness, I decided it would be best to explain to my boyfriend how I was feeling, despite having concealed it for a few weeks. He was very reciprocative and he shared similar feelings, but neither of us spoke out about it in fear of ruining the other person’s fun.
Things have gotten much better since the beginning of the semester. We have learned how to prioritize each other while juggling classes, homework, and new friendships. Planning dates off campus has been tremendously beneficial in this aspect. It provides us with some sense of normalcy, as well as an opportunity to spend quality time with each other away from the hustle and bustle of campus life. In addition, open and constant communication has allowed us to grow closer together in understanding each other’s struggles and allows us to adjust to the other’s needs. The adjustment of pursuing a relationship through college was a difficult one to make. There will always be many different obstacles in the course of one’s relationship, but it is vital to stay honest and open with your partner to help overcome the changes you both will face.
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