By no means am I an expert when it comes to the dating scene, but I have been with my partner for the better half of a decade, so I feel pretty confident sharing some relationship advice. To be transparent, being in a long-term relationship is hard work. Spoiler alert: the honeymoon phase really doesn’t last forever. So here are a few tips to keep the spark alive after the constant heart eyes subside and the fights about dishes begin.
Date Each Other
As a chronic bed rotter myself, I know how easy it is to order takeout and watch movies with your partner instead of going out on a date; however, you need to prioritize weekly date nights. Whether that means you go bowling or out to dinner or to a paint bar, whatever it is, you need to get up and get out of the house. Ditching the pajamas for a pair of jeans is an easy way to boost self-confidence which inherently makes you more excited to spend some time outside of the confines of your bedroom walls. Doing an activity together allows you both to make memories while also exploring conversations that don’t revolve around the plot of True Detective. It’s a great way to continue to nurture your connection.
Accept That Change is Inevitable
I started dating my boyfriend when he was a 15-year-old cornerback and now he’s a 23-year-old finance bro. Obviously, the person I met eight years ago isn’t the same person I’m with today and that’s okay. You have to understand that goals change, jobs change, hobbies change, and people change. You’re also going to change over the course of your relationship and it’s important to check in with your partner to make sure your wants and needs still align. If you aren’t willing to accept your partner in every season of their life, then they aren’t the one for you. Find someone you love every version of.
Don’t Text
This may be controversial, but I think space is crucial in a long-term relationship. You need to look forward to recapping your days at night. Pop in with a few phone calls here and there but respect your partner’s space and autonomy. You shouldn’t need to send a “what’s up” text at the top of every hour. Put that energy into having meaningful conversations a few times a day rather than badgering them with Gen-Z adopted lingo.
Fight!
Not all conflicts are unhealthy. You’re never going to find yourself in a relationship that’s all rainbows and butterflies. If you enter a relationship with the expectation that you’ll never fight, your first conflict might be your last. Come to terms with the idea of fighting and work to understand how you and your partner approach conflict resolution, both individually and as a couple. Try and avoid the blame game and approach the situation with love at the forefront of your delivery. It’s also important to acknowledge your own role in the disagreement so you and your partner can better learn how to avoid the same conflict moving forward. Frequent conflict is definitely a red flag, but a healthy argument here and there indicates care and allows you both to grow in your relationship.
At the end of the day, you know your relationship best. Trusting your partner and yourself is the key to a successful relationship and comes before the aforementioned recommendations. Your partner should make you feel safe, comforted, and prioritized, and if they don’t, then it’s not a relationship worth nurturing. Otherwise, hopefully these tips and tricks help reignite the flame and liven up your relationship.
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