I may be one of the worst people to talk about this, and in a female-majority forum my experiences are probably different and not entirely what you may be looking for, so take some of this with a grain of salt. Anyway, more often than not I am really shy around women I feel attracted to, which is not really conducive to the whole mingling thing. Sometimes I hear and see guys ask for girls’ phone numbers or hook up frequently with people, and while that’s great for them, I’m about as fearful of doing that as most people are with public speaking. However, since being in college, I’ve gotten marginally better at the mingling thing, while it’s still pretty bad. Anyway, for those of you who as unsure about how to mingle as I am, there are a few tips I’ve come across that may work for you, and I’ve been trying to enact these in my own life. (Note: If this article seems heteronormative, these tips should apply to whomever you want to mingle with, just with whatever pronouns are applicable.)
1. Do something where you’ll be working with people where you may develop feelings for someone. It may be easier for a shy person to mingle with people if you are all working towards a common goal. This is why the stereotype of “sexually active band geeks” in Mean Girls exists. Bandos and most people in groups all get to know each other because we are working towards a common goal, and through being part of a team you will meet and have to interact with lots of people you may develop feelings for, and you’ll be with them a lot. You’ll more often than not make friends, and maybe they and you will want to be more than friends, and if not, that’s perfectly OK. Don’t let this be the only goal of why you do the activity, though; make sure it’s something that you’ll want to be doing.
2. Don’t fear rejection. I should really be better at this, but rejection isn’t my strong suit, both in dealing with it and rejecting others if that needs to be done. While it may suck, rejection is completely OK. It just offers you another chance to try again.
3. If you’re struggling with thinking that you’re worth other people’s time, which I have felt, remember that you are. Just by virtue of you being you, somebody will want to be with you. Regardless of what you look like, what you’re into, how you dress, or anything else about you, you’ll find someone who will think that you’re the most beautiful person to ever come into their life, in looks, personality, attitude, or anything else. You’re all amazing, and you should remember that.
4. If you don’t know how to flirt with someone, we’re in the same boat. However, you could try asking about something you may have in common with the person. I know it sounds cheesy, but talking about school or a club or whatever should help to break the ice. With this, you can ask about them and then tell them about yourself if you feel comfortable enough, building a repartee. However, this probably will only work once you kind of know the person.
5. Don’t be disingenuous as to what you want with that other person. If you want a date, be clear about that, and if you just want to be friends, make that known too.
6. Your object of affection is probably just as nervous as you are, but they probably want to hear that somebody thinks they’re the bees’ knees. Everyone, from the dating neophyte to the veritable Casanova, is going to be nervous, but if you dig them and they may dig you, get to know them better, and you never know what could happen.
7. Above all, be honest with yourself and do what’s best for you. Whether at the end of the day you end up with someone, are single, or unsure, as long as you’re comfortable where you are and with what you’re doing, you’re doing the right thing.
I really hope this works for you guys, and considering I’m your RLCG it’s probably supposed to. Above all, though, get to know people and see what happens. Now I just need to follow my own advice.