I bought a Naked pallet when I was nine. No, I am not kidding.
My very first memories of makeup are shared with my mother. I remember sitting on the ledge of the tub in her bathroom as a kid. She would line her eyes with a black pencil and apply her mascara. I always thought about how beautiful she looked. She would finish her look with a brownish-purple lip and smack her lips in the mirror before rushing off to work. I would look in the mirror and rub my naked lips pretending to be just like her.
In third grade, I was gifted my first device. It was a Kindle Fire with a hot pink case. Among Christina Perri Songs and Fruit Ninja was my favorite app of all: YouTube. I was addicted. You could find me pretending to be asleep at night, with my Kindle shoved under the pillow. The usual lineup of people was Jaclyn Hill, Manny MUA, Tati Westbrook, and many more. I knew everything. Blending fixes any mistake, your look is never complete without a lip, and you must always set your foundation. This was my Bible. I slowly accumulated products. I had lipgloss I stole from my sister and sometimes I snuck my mother’s blush. There is a very unfortunate school photo in which I have the complexion of an embarrassed tomato. Nothing made me happier than learning and experimenting with makeup. So for my birthday, I begged for the best palette that existed (to me): the Naked 3 palette. With all of my birthday money, I marched into Ulta and transcended.
With the arrival of my middle school years came more freedom with makeup. I was allowed to wear mascara, eyeliner, and light eye shadow. My usual look consisted of white eyeliner on my water line (it was 2017, let me live) and a pink NYX eye shadow with my signature, Maybelline’s “The Rocket” waterproof mascara. I loved my ritual of watching my beau-tubers while methodically prepping myself for the day. Some days, however, I just did not have time for my routine. I had to go to school with a naked face. On these days I felt horrible. I knew I looked different without my usual getup and people noticed. I would always receive the lovely, “You look tired.” Being in middle school is hard as it is, never mind attempting to meet the impossible standards of beauty that I set for myself. Those days I just wanted to hide. I felt like being me, as I was, was not good enough for the general public to see. That is not what you should be thinking about when you are twelve
In high school, I never touched a drop of makeup for school. In fact, I hardly owned any. I never lost my love for lipgloss and kept a handy mascara for parties or special events but other than that, my makeup bag grew dust. I figured out that what worked best for me was just to stay away from it day to day. People came to know my face for what it was and did not expect me to meet artistry standards. I was happy with this until I began college. I wanted to get dressed up to go out on the weekends. The love and appreciation of makeup never went away, I just knew my self-confidence had to come first. I began experimenting with crazy colors like teal and hot pink. I learned my love for glitter and even taught my friends a few useful tips from my time as a third-grade makeup artist.
I still don’t wear makeup day to day. However, I love my weekend routine. It’s fun to step outside of your regular comfort zone. I have found makeup time in my dorm to be a sacred practice shared by friends. Borrowing eye shadow and putting highlighter on each other’s collarbones is a cherished part of my weekend. It brings a sense of community that is unique to the college-getting-ready process. I would not trade it for the world. Now I just pay attention to the way I feel with and without makeup. Prioritize your self-love. Always know you are beautiful with and without any makeup, no matter the setting. Makeup is a tool for creativity and self-expression. A fun, playful experience shared among friends. I have found my perfect balance. Never allow your life to be ruled by black paste and pink powder. You are a soul and a mind and a heart, completely separate from the glitter you wear on top.
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