I know what you’re thinking: “Why would I take life advice from someone who has only been on this planet a couple of decades and hasn’t even graduated from college yet?” I am not sure I would either, to be honest, but hear me out. I have lived through a few life-changing experiences — some I wanted and many I didn’t — but here I am ready to share what I’ve learned along the way.
Here are a few things I have picked up.
Choose yourself
You know those dreaded scenes in a movie where the team captains pick who will be on their team? Well, you are your own team captain and you should always pick yourself first. Only you have to live with the choices you make, only you have to be happy with your career choice, and only you know what goes through your head before you fall asleep at night. Our worlds do, in fact, revolve around ourselves. It would be silly to say never put anyone before yourself, but there is definitely a balance between being selfish and selfless. Find that balance, and do whatever it takes to make your life worth living.
Don’t Jump to Conclusions
Jumping to conclusions is probably the easiest way to hurt your own feelings. Never put words in someone else’s mouth. You never know what people are actually thinking or feeling, so ask! Do not assume “they don’t love me,” “I will never get that job,” or “my coach hates me.” If you actually knew what people were thinking and feeling at all times you would be an anomaly. People often take a tiny amount of evidence and use it to make assumptions about big things. Never assume because you will likely assume much worse than reality.
Let Stress motivate you
Studies show that there is actually an optimal balance between performance and stress. Having little to no stress has been found to result in low performance and motivation. On the other hand, super high levels of stress are not beneficial either. There is this sort of sweet spot between having just the right amount of stress to get things done and perform to your fullest potential. Let the jitters motivate you.
Read, READ, READ
Last year I made it a goal of mine to expand my vocabulary. I sometimes felt like I had a lot to say, but didn’t quite know how to articulate them as vividly as they appeared in my mind. With that being said: read. Reading has all sorts of benefits for our brains and surrounds us everywhere we go. Read articles, read the news, read books. At no age does learning need to stop when we have an endless amount of information right at our fingertips. If you are looking for a new book, I urge you to check out my latest article.
Practice Self-Awareness
There is a quote in one of my favorite books, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, that describes self-awareness as an onion. With each question you ask yourself, you peel off a layer. (Hence, why it’s like an onion.) Always start by acknowledging what you are feeling, then ask yourself “why?” This is where my advice comes in. Don’t just settle with a simple answer; dig a little deeper.
“I am angry because I didn’t get the grade I wanted on a test.”
Why are you angry about that?
“If I don’t do well on this test I will not get a good grade in the class and it will affect my GPA.”
Why are you so worried about your GPA?
“I guess I am actually angry because if I don’t do well in this class, or college for that matter, then I will not be successful. If I am not successful, I won’t make enough money and won’t have the life I always dreamed of. Then I might as well just be a failure.”
So what you really are upset about is being a failure. If your friend didn’t do well on one test, would you tell them they were a failure?
“Well no but…”
This conversation with yourself could go on for hours. We all feel a million different things throughout the day. Sometimes getting to the root of those feelings (peeling back the onion) can allow you to have a whole other level of self-awareness that will benefit you. Practicing these “why” questions isn’t always easy, and being honest with yourself doesn’t happen overnight. Try writing them down if you don’t know where to start.
I am no self-help guru, but these are some of the things I have been trying to remember for myself. So if anything, this is a note to myself and a reminder to practice what I preach.
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