Dear My Freshman Self,
I just wanted you to know…
Don’t lose respect for yourself
When you get yourself into a new environment and you’re surrounded by people drinking, doing drugs and maybe even just blowing off class – don’t forget your roots. Remember your parents, or whoever, is paying a LOT of money for you to go to whatever school. Also, remember when you were applying to colleges and you were petrified you couldn’t get in anywhere? Remember when you got your acceptance letter from the school you’re at right now? You were relieved. I bet you promised yourself you’d be a 4.0 student, have fun, make life long friends… keep reminding yourself of that feeling you had. It’s October now and people don’t seem to remember that many of you were only seniors in high school a couple months ago.
Don’t lose respect for yourself (sexual edition)
You have one body. It doesn’t matter how drunk or horny you are, it’s never cool to be used or use someone else. Before you start an intimate relationship with anyone, remember that those memories in the sack, you will carry with you for the rest of your life. And if you’re “black out drunk” and don’t remember? That’s even worse because the consequences are always there. You will one day find someone you trust and/or love, don’t push it with meaningless sex unless you know you can handle the consequences (NOTE: no one knows if they can handle the consequences, none of us can see the future).
Also, sex is actually pretty serious. We were all taught the consequences in high school, by our parents, friends, etc. Don’t forget that. Your “elders” have actually been through the same stuff you’re going through. Listen to them.
It’s okay to ask for help
Everyone has a meltdown. Again, you’re in a new environment, new friends, trying to figure out who you are, your classes are actually challenging, you go out all the time, you miss home… the list goes on. Call up your parents or guardians or friends and talk to them. It’s always better to get stresses off your chest. We’re all ticking time bombs and/or volcanoes ready to erupt. It’s natural to get stressed out.
If you’re comfortable with the option, set up an appointment with a school counselor. For most schools, they’re totally free and it’s nice to just tell someone all your problems and expect nothing in return. You find out a lot about yourself when you just have 30 minutes to talk to someone about your issues and get no criticisms in return. It’s an unbiased person giving you an unbiased perspective. What could be more glorious than that?
Question what is considered “normal”
This one is me going on a tangent about what societal norms truly are: they’re made by us, not the college Gods. They’re rumors, gossip, legends… don’t follow them. Do what makes you happy. You don’t like drinking even though that’s considered “normal”? Don’t drink. You still love your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend? Give yourself time to heal before going out into the market. Everyone is going out every night of the weekend? If you don’t want to go out… don’t. Let’s be real, it’s not like you have fun EVERY SINGLE night you go out. We all have those nights where we just feel lazy. Embrace it.
Make new friends, keep the old
As awesome as your new friends are, your old friends should stay in your life too. I get it though… they may be changing and you might start feeling uncomfortable. Well, sorry to break it to you, but you’re changing too. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, best friend, just someone you care so much about – remember if they truly love you, they’ll understand all the changes. It’s good to keep the people in your life who you’ve known for years. They know so much about who you truly are and have been there for you through a lot as well.
Have fun!
Join Greek life, a club, student government, get a job, take on a new hobby. FIND YOURSELF! You don’t need to be drunk or high or screwing someone to have fun. Don’t listen to Urban Dictionary’s definition of fun (fun: Doing things you aren’t supposed to do). Listen to SpongeBob: “F- is for friends who do stuff together! U- is for you and me! N- is for anywhere and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea!” The average age of college Freshmen is 18, the fact that most of you think you know what you want is absolutely ridiculous. If you find yourself doing things that are clean fun then you will feel SO good about yourself. I promise.
Disclaimer: I know I’m only 20 and know so little about life, but I hope some college freshmen look at this and truly think about their actions. I’ve made mistakes which have turned into lessons, the struggle is real.
Most importantly: reality blows. You’re going to eat Ramen and miss your mom’s cooking or realize that taking some classes suck. Don’t give up! The glass is always half full!
I honestly wish someone told me I didn’t have to be a party whore or a zoo animal my freshman year of college.
HCXO,
Sarah