The COVID-19 pandemic is like a landslide. Life was chugging along, and in a matter of seconds, everything came crashing down and then stopped. During these past few months, I’ve seen a multitude of articles surrounding weight loss during quarantine, people’s inspiring stories on losing however many pounds, and bettering themselves and their bodies. As incredible as it’s been to read about someone’s weight loss journey during a difficult time, I’ve had the opposite experience. I found myself struggling to shed the “Freshman 15” and having more late-night bowls of cereal than necessary. I would feel guilty for eating dessert, feel depressed for not having a toned stomach, and then sneak in an occasional run that would temporarily make me feel better about myself. But once that feeling subsided, the frustration came back and the cycle would begin again.
Feeling so down about my body image didn’t just appear out of nowhere one day. My mind was trained to constantly measure and compare myself to others. When I was in high school, my weight stayed constant so gaining weight wasn’t something that I often dealt with. People saw me as thin, which in their minds, excused me from having body image struggles. However, the societal expectations that were manifested into my brain pressured me to be conscious of my body and how it looked. I didn’t see my body as a beautiful, fluctuating creation that I needed to cherish, I saw it as an object whose sole purpose was to impress others and fit into what seemed “idealistic”.
When the pandemic hit, I packed up all of my things from college and moved back home for 6 months. Isolation required me to stay in one place. I was able to escape from everyone else’s opinions about my body, allowing myself to self reflect and re-purpose my life.
Slowly but surely, I began to learn how to love myself again.
I looked in the mirror every morning and stared at my reflection, pausing at every part of my body that I used to cringe at and try to change. I reminded myself that my body can do incredible things and that the changes it’s gone through are normal. I reminded myself that weight fluctuates and the “muffin top” that I’ve worked tirelessly on making disappear is something that I need to embrace, not hate.
Loving your body is a mindset. It became something that I needed to train myself into believing so that I could rewire my brain to stop immediately focusing on what didn’t fit into societal standards. I began listening to podcasts that encouraged body positivity (Mary’s Cup of Tea Podcast being one of my favorites) and following women on social media who shamelessly posted about their tummy rolls, cellulite, and absence of a thigh gap. An episode on Mary’s Podcast about body image (which is linked below) brought up a point that resonated with me. Women have been trained to “look pretty,” and so when we wake up one day and don’t feel good about our image, we begin blaming ourselves, rather than the society that taught us to think this way. The stress that women suffer is reflected in our body image, rather than addressing the deeper issues that are at the root cause.
It took me 20 years to finally realize that all of these things are normal. Everyone’s body is beautifully unique. The majority of women have tummy rolls and cellulite, we’ve just been tricked into thinking that we needed to hide it.
So, if you’re reading this, do me a favor. Stare at yourself in the mirror, love every part of your body that you were taught to cringe at, and embrace it. Let’s change the cycle.