This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mass Amherst chapter.
There is no legitimate way to prove whether more women kiss and tell, or more kiss and keep it to themselves. In my experience, however, I have had more close girlfriends that willingly share the dirty details than not. Kissing and telling is made out to be such a “guy thing,” but to be perfectly frank, girls may be just as bad. This is not to say that all women kiss and tell, and that every sexual partner is discussed. There are definitely some women that choose to keep those details to themselves, just as I am certain that some experiences are better left unsaid. But yes, the juicy details of our late-night (or midafternoon? Perhaps, early morning?) adventures do sometimes make it to certain ears.
Who we tell
No worries… women don’t hook up with someone then run the streets telling every passerby, “I just got laid by Ben Smith and just so you know, he is 8 inches long and lasts approximately 7 minutes. He’s good in missionary, but gets a little messy in other positions. He kisses like he’s eating an apple. Oh, and he’s uncircumcised.” Sure, those particulars may occasionally be discussed with a close gal, but we don’t tell just anyone. If girls are going to kiss and share they are going to tell their best girlfriends. We like to compare notes, share success stories, laugh about awkward situations (sorry, guys!), and analyze strange and unexpected occurrences. Some girls may go to a close guy for advice, but that doesn’t happen very often.
How much we tell
For those that do share, one thing I have noticed about kissing and telling is that it lasts up until a hook-up turns into something a little more serious. If it’s just a hook-up or a no-strings-attached, strictly sexual relationship, every last scandalous detail is at risk of being talked about. However, as soon as there are feelings and things take a turn toward serious, we talk less and less graphically. Oftentimes, people do the dirty but have no respect for each other. Maybe that makes it easier to do. It definitely makes it easier to talk about. But in my opinion, as soon as there is respect and you have come to the realization that it’s more of a relationship than just sex, the less private information should be shared. My advice, ladies, is that if you are genuinely interested in the guy and if you plan on turning it into a relationship, don’t share too much because then your funny story turns into serious grounds for your friends making fun of you.
My close-knit group of friends from home is a bunch of guys. Really. It’s me, and five guys. And because of this, I have heard some extremely illustrative stories, if you will. But, I have come to learn not to take offense because I have realized that it’s not just a man thing. I can honestly tell you, that I have met some women that are more descriptive about their sexcapades than some men. Because most girls dish when it’s just a hook-up, we may talk about anything from size, positions, your stamina, whether toys were involved, the freaky, unexpected moves that you pulled, and then some.
What we hope you don’t share
After admitting how much some girls talk, it may seem kind of odd that I would even include a section about what we hope the guy doesn’t share. It couldn’t hurt. I tend to assume that like girls, not all guys kiss and tell. But, many men are hard to read. Of course in a perfect world, a woman wouldn’t want their man telling his friends any of the details about what happened between the sheets. But let’s be serious. We know you talk – we just don’t know how much. Does he tell them whether or not I make noise? If I’m shaved? If I let him go through the back door? If I went down? If HE went down? And quite simply, if I was good? What if he told the guys about that thing I let him try, that I wasn’t exactly comfortable with or used to, but I knew he really wanted to do it, so I let him anyways? We have no idea if men have filters, and if they do, when they kick in.
Now readers, this article is not meant to suggest that ALL women share their late-night exploits, and to the degree that I described. Some people choose to keep all details to themselves, hook-up or not, while others turn their living rooms into gossip-fests the moment the guys leave the room. Some may say, “yea we hooked up, and it was damn good,” and leave it at that, while others might describe the night down to the last bead of sweat. What can I say? Girls like to talk.