1) My boyfriend has been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend and her friends a lot lately. He says they are just friends. Should I believe him?
Before you jump to conclusions, talk to him. Don’t just put him on the spot and drop the hammer. Innocent or not, you are forcing him into a defensive position, and by you attacking him, it will create a sense of jealousy and resentment. If he’s already hanging out with an ex, it’s probably not your best bet to treat him in a hostile way.
All things considered, it is not unusual to remain friends with an ex. At some point, they had a relationship of sorts that made them happy and whether or not they will re-kindle it depends on many different factors. As his current girlfriend, you should contemplate just what it is your boyfriend might be doing running around with the girls of his past. Maybe you need to take a look at the status of your relationship.
Where you want to think highly of people, you also need to be realistic. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t know better than to put himself in a position like this at first glance, is pretty much relationship sabotage. Sure, he may have been really close with his ex and left on good terms. However, where you are not included or invited, it is within reason to suspect something.
If you are in a committed, strong relationship, your boyfriend may just not want to burn bridges, and does, in fact, only want to be friends with his ex. Again, this is an issue of trust, and once you have trust, you should be able to work from there. You might not want to hang out with his ex, and that is perfectly understandable. Nevertheless, try to at least get an invitation because then there will be nothing to hide. Worse comes to worse, there’s some hair pulling and no one has a boyfriend.
2) My best guy friend wants to be more then friends. I don’t feel the same way. How do I tell him with out ruining our friendship?
This is simpler than you’d think. While rejection can really take a toll on a guy’s ego and a friendship, if you are best friends, shooting him down is not going to ruin the bond. Still, like everything else, it’s all about the execution. As friends, you have built a relationship based on mutual interests, friends, etc. If he fell for you by being close with you, above all, take it as a compliment. If you don’t feel the same way, don’t compromise your own feelings by doing something for someone else that you might not necessarily want. Sure, it can sound selfish, but a halfhearted attempt at making him feel better about it will only lead up to a bigger letdown, risking your friendship.
The key to navigating the rough road of the friendship-relationship line is mutual understanding. It needs to be clear that you do not feel the same way, and do not leave things open to interpretation. If you leave him thinking that with time, things may change and he may have a chance, you are only hurting him. Where he can step his game up thinking you will notice it, and you still don’t have those feelings for him, it’s going to cause dissension between you, jeopardizing your friendship as you know it.
Things may be able to go back to what they were in time, but when someone opens up about their feelings, there is no going back. The only real solution is to meet things head on, and address the situation. Your best guy friend is a great asset you do not want to lose or hurt. Give him the respect he deserves with heartfelt honesty and let things take its course.
3) My boyfriend is jealous of every guy friend I have. How do I prove to him they are just friends?
From your lab partner in bio to your high school prom date, every guy is a threat to varying degrees. With that out in the open, your boyfriend really just needs to look at himself against the scale of where he stands, vs. everyone else. Where this would undoubtedly cause severe relationship paranoia, no matter who you are, there is an X factor. You. As the variable in the equation, your boyfriend needs to understand that you care about him, and you have already made a choice to be with him, so obviously he’s doing something right.
The guy friends a girl has should not be threats. Rather, your boyfriend, in his own interests should do his best to befriend them based on the fact that by creating a rapport, there is a mutual respect, and they will both have your back and his. It eases the mind knowing that you are not alone in defending your girlfriend, and people are looking after her. You can’t always be there. Nobody wants to get the “creeper at the bar, pick me up?” text during a library marathon. That’s where putting your boyfriend together with your guy friends will help you. He will be able to trust them, and you won’t have to face relentless suspicions.
By allowing him to enter your friend group, he may not want to be friends with your guy friends. The invitation can be enough to quell any uncertainties for a while. Still, you need to understand that like most things, hanging out with your guy friends is best in moderation. ?If you are spreading your time around so much that your boyfriend feels neglected, it would be completely within reason for him to be jealous. The key to a successful relationship is the ability to communicate over issues like this. If you can’t or don’t want to talk about it, there may be bigger issues at hand.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mass Amherst chapter.