I like a guy and I’m pretty sure he likes me back. He seems pretty shy and intimidated by the idea of making a move on a girl he might get rejected from. What can I do to make sure he knows he will not be rejected if he goes for it?
Rejection can be a really tough hurdle for guys to get over. It’s a terrible feeling, so guys (and ladies, we’re not alone here,) try to avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately for you, the way to avoid rejection completely is to not go out on a limb or take any risks. With no risk comes no reward. If you two like each other and have a general understanding , then things will work out. If he likes you, you’re hanging out and he has any sense or self-confidence, he’ll man up and make a move. If he doesn’t, you’ll have to put in a little more work.
Though unconventional, it’s not bad for a girl to make the first move. Actually, it would be really convenient if girls always made the first move. Taking the guesswork out of things? Sign me up.
Either way, really look at the current state of your relationship with the guy. If you can still say that he knows you like him beyond reasonable doubt, there might be a problem. He might just be too shy to pull the trigger, and at that point you can get things started. As a confident girl making the first move, it will help him ease into things. If and when things progress, he will have to step it up and make moves himself.
This is a win-win, you get what you want and he likes doing it. If he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t do it. If all else fails, put him on the spot and if he’s not interested, cut your losses and move on. If he wants to keep playing indecisive mind games and you’re willing to put up with it, good luck.
Every time the guy I’ve been hooking up with can’t hang out or says the wrong thing, my friends give the clichéd advice that “he’s just not that into you.” Do you think all guys are the same in the sense that they will do ANYTHING to get a girl they like? Or, am I delusional in thinking that he just has no game?
As far as a hookup based relationship go, you don’t have much to expect, and in turn, much to be disappointed with. Where if things were more serious, you could entertain the concerns of your friends. When you are just hooking up and he doesn’t want to hang out, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to hook up, or that “he’s just not that into you,” but that sometimes he probably has things to do, or just doesn’t want to hang out.
You need to make sure you’re giving him some breathing room for the both of you. If you are smothering him, then of course he’s not going to respond well. Smothering takes a lot of work. Texting, facebook stalking and worrying all day is no good. Take it easy and relax. Reading too far into issues that are not there creates problems. Where something that comes out of thin air is a problem, there will only be the same unintelligible argument to follow, and after that waste of time, neither of you are going to want to hook up for a while. No fun for anyone.
Guys that are proactive enough to make an effort to get what they want sometimes are shooting themselves in the foot. By setting the bar too high early on, girls come to expect him to do bigger and better things from there. As college students, those expectations can be unreasonable before long. If you think your guy has no game because he is saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, he might just be nervous or somewhat socially inept. If he is not that into you, you should be able to pick up on the many other signs. If your friends have to tell you, then you have bigger problems.
I have recently been hanging out with this guy. Through hanging out I have gotten to know his best friend pretty well. I find myself becoming more attracted to his friend every day. Now, I’m even more attracted to his friend then I am with the guy I have been talking to. Would it be terrible of me to “switch guys”?
If you have been talking to this guy for a while and he thinks your relationship is going somewhere, he’s going to be pretty disappointed. If his best friend pulls a robbery, he’s not going to be too happy with said “friend”. By choosing his boy over him, he is going to feel like he wasted his time and that you don’t think he’s good enough. In other situations, he would get over it easily by not talking to you anymore, but with his best friend in the picture it’s going to be in his face on a daily basis.
It’s still not the worst thing that you could do. For you to make the “switch,” you can only do so before anything solid has been established with bachelor number 1. By introducing you to his friend, he ran the risk of a possible flirtation. This happens with guys all the time. I’d like to say that we don’t try to one-up each other for a girl, but I’d be lying.
Competition is healthy, after all, only the strong survive. You don’t always have to make everyone happy. By managing to keep a good rapport with the first guy, you can always keep him on the back burner for later and get to know his best friend. When it comes down to it, if you like one guy more, stick with him. If you don’t do what you want to do, there is always going to be that nagging feeling of regret.
Just do what makes you happy and let everything fall in place. You might hurt a few feelings along the way, but that’s life.