To add to the superficiality and short-lived ness of most college relationships (can we even call them that?) these days is the explosion of the new dating (again, questionable term) app called Tinder. This location-based social app allows users to choose up to six of their Facebook profile photos and write a 500 character bio. Totally enough information to determine if you’ll like this person or not, right…? Based on these alone, you have the option to swipe left, indicating that you are not interested, or right to let them know that you are. Only users who have both swiped each other right will be “matched” and given the opportunity to message with each other in a little chat bubble that usually starts off with an incredibly corny line like, “Tinder can’t type for you” or “See that box down there? Compliment me.”
I was extremely anti-Tinder for quite some time, being generally creeped out by the fact that I’m 20 years old, live on a campus with tens of thousand of people, and should not need to join an online dating site to find a half-decent guy. However, as more and more of my friends started joining and sharing stories that ranged from downright creepy to absolutely hilarious, I figured I should swallow my pride and see what this app was all about. If you’ve already downloaded Tinder, I’m hoping you’ll find this list totally relatable, and if you haven’t, I’m hoping it’ll prepare you for what to expect. Either way, I caved, entered this hormone-crazy frenzy of college students in the prospects of “casually dating” one another, and I’m here to share with you my experience.
1. The Sleazy Guy
Let’s not beat around the bush and just get this guy out of the way first because we all knew he was bound to be on this list somewhere. After all, Tinder’s downfall is its reputation for users being a little bit…we’ll say promiscuous. This guy makes no attempts at conversation whatsoever before he pops up in your chat box asking for nudes, sexual favors, your participation in some disturbing fantasy you really didn’t want him to describe to you, and so on. Either way, he’s the reason Tinder has a block button. Did he really think that was gonna work?!
2. The (Too) Romantic Guy
This guy is pretty much the polar opposite. He’s seen a few photos of you and BAM, apparently has come to the sudden realization that you two strangers are somehow soul mates. Right off the bat, you receive a soulful paragraph in which he professes his undying love for you and you’re just like, WTF… this is Tinder. Actually, maybe he’s not the polar opposite… you might wanna block this one too.
3. The Corny Guy
You know, the one that hits you with the, “How much does a polar bear weigh?”, “If you were a flower, I’d pick you first”, “You’re so beautiful, you made me forget my pick-up line”, stuff like that. He’s harmless, and sometimes fun to hold a conversation with for a little while, but just remember he probably has a list of those lines in his iPhone notes that he sends to any girl he finds somewhat attractive. I’ll give the corny guy the time of day if his line is creative enough, but besides that I usually just get pleasure out of telling him how unoriginal he is.
4. The Guy With Too Many Group Pics
If I have to swipe back and forth through your pictures to try and determine which one of the many guys in all your pictures is you… well, I’m just not going to do that. I’m not condoning selfies, but please do pick your profile pictures wisely. This brings me to my next guy…
5. The Selfie Guy
I really don’t mean to sound sexist in any way because selfies are unarguably narcissistic no matter your gender but something about a male selfie on Tinder, especially a mirror pic (hello, is this 2007?!) is a real turnoff. You, as well as too-many-group-pics guy, get an immediate left swipe.
6. The “Aww” Factor Guy
Here’s the guy that tries to distract you from judging him too harshly by including pictures with adorable puppies/kittens/babies in his arms. I see your tactic, puppy/kitten/baby guy. Doesn’t always work, but it is far more appealing than the guys who are holding either a beer or a gun in every picture.
7. The Transformer
I’m sorry, I’m a little confused; are you a man, or are you that lifted-up, pimped-out full size truck that’s in the other half of your profile pictures? The one that you probably spent all the money you should’ve paid your rent with on? Or I don’t know, maybe buying me dinner? If you’re so in love go date your truck, dude.
8. The Persistent Guy
This guy’s pictures were cute and he seemed nice enough, but after chatting for a while you got bored and the conversation just sort of died down. You think nothing of this, until he’s asking you “What’s up?” and “Hey, you there?” every other day. You feel compelled to answer every once in a while to be polite but after a while, you gotta tell this guy to take a hint.
9. The One Who Never Answers
He messages you, “Hey how are you?” so you go back to check his pictures and when he’s made the second cut, you respond, probably telling him you’re doing good and asking how he is in response. And then…nothing. Now tell me what exactly was the point of that?
10. The One Who Asks You to Get Pizza and F*ck
Is this just me? Does something about me scream, “this girl loves to eat pizza and then immediately follow up with sexual intercourse” or is this a common opening line for others as well? I mean, sure, I love me some good pizza. So uh, tempting offer, you fine gentlemen, you, but it’s gonna take a lot more than a slice of pepperoni to get in my pants. See ya!
11. The One Who Calls You His “Tinderella”
Gag me. That is not cute.
12. The One Whose Bio Says “I promise I’ll lie about how we met”
Wait, this is about half the guys I’ve ever taken the time to read the bio of on Tinder. Yeah, so we all feel a little pathetic on here using an app to find potential hookups, we get it. Need you remind us every other swipe?
13. The Guy with Terrible Grammar
I don’t care if your pictures make you look like Channing freaking Tatum, if you message me, “Hey your hot lets hang out sometime”, the answer will be no.
14. The Normal Guy Who You Hold Deep Nightly Convos With and Eventually Exchange Numbers and Meet Up and Hit It Off Right Away and Start Dating and Fall in Love
LOL wait… have you Collegiettes found this one yet? Cause I sure as hell haven’t…
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret downloading this app. It’s slightly addicting and admittedly very fun for a while. Swiping through all these hotties and receiving all these messages of adoration can be quite the confidence boost. Plus they don’t know your exact location or your phone number or anything besides your first name, so what’s the harm?
But alas, my final verdict is that the reputation of this app is quite accurate; it is a little bit creepy. After a week or two, it kinda just sits on my home screen unopened and loading up on unread messages. Download this app for sh*ts and giggles and an easy way to find a hookup or two if that’s your style. But downloading Tinder to find a relationship…that’s kind of like going to McDonald’s to eat a five-star meal. Happy swiping, ladies!