Hello ladies, my name is Sarah Hinman and I will be your resident “Sexpert” for HerCampusMaine. My goal for these articles is that they not only empower you in the bedroom, but also tackle sex issues that are specific to UMaine. Unlike Cosmo, I will be focusing on YOU ladies! The issues will not be “The 10 things he wants in bed” or “What part of his body drives him crazy in bed” because that makes it all about him and let’s face it, guys aren’t really that hard to figure out. What is hard to figure out is how to get what you really want. That’s what this first installment will focus on: how to get what you want in bed.
How to get what you want is simple and complicated all at once. It’s simple because the best way to get what you want is (take notes girls)… Communication. That’s it: simple communication. It’s complicated however, because how do you communicate what you want? Do you even know what you want? Historically, society has told women that they don’t want sex, but over the past few decades women have been coming out and saying YES we do want sex, and lots of it! And good, satisfying sex at that. So how do you find out what you want and then communicate it to your partner? Here are some easy steps:
1. Masturbation: Self-loving is the easiest way to figure out what turns you on and gets you off. With sex toy parties and ample amounts of sex shops, it is very easy to find all the necessary tools to a great solo-session. You can explore to find out where you like to be touched and what kind of touch will bring you to orgasm.
2. Communicate these desires to your partner: Whether this is a steady partner or someone you picked up at the Brew, you deserve to have a just as sexually satisfying experience as them. You may think communicating your desires to a one-night stand you recently met is hard, but it’s really not. You don’t need to have a sit down discussion. It can be as simple as guiding his hand where you like to be touched, move it in a particular way, or just tell them when something feels good (and certainly if it doesn’t). If this person is your steady partner, definitely sit down and have a discussion about what feels good and what you want in bed.
3. Don’t worry about his ego: One of the main reasons girls don’t discuss what they want with their partner is because they feel they will hurt his feelings. They believe that if they tell him what he is doing doesn’t feel good, then his feelings will be hurt. I have talked to enough guys to know that they would be more upset knowing that a girl faked an orgasm, than having her tell him what she wants. Guys want to please you, and if the guy you’re with isn’t, then get the heck outta there! Men are much less sensitive then us, and as long as you’re not saying it in a super mean way, I’m sure he will be fine adjusting to your needs. Plus it will mean more satisfaction for you in the future!
It really is that simple ladies. Just have the confidence to tell your partner, man or woman, what you want, and you will be able to get what you want, whenever you want, in bed!
Image from: Crushable.com
*Editor’s Note: Sarah Hinman is a Human Development Graduate Student at UMaine, with a focus in Human Sexuality. She received her BA in May 2010 in Psychology and Child Development. She is training to become a sex therapist and sexuality educator. She is the co-founder of a weekly sex show, Sex & Wine with S&J, and writes a “Sexpert” column in The Maine Campus.