Friends with benefits, f**k buddies, hook-up buddies, call it what you will, but there is a natural draw to hook up with a friend because we know them, are comfortable with them, and have easy access to them. While this may seem like a brilliant idea, we need to stop and think, “Is this a good idea? What do I want out of this?” What we don’t often realize is that hooking up with a guy friend can be a recipe for disaster.
There are a few different ways this could go wrong. One issue is that after the sex, one person may have different expectations than the other. They may want to keep hooking up, even exclusively hooking up, while the other person just wants to stay friends.
Another way things could go down is if one person already has feelings for the friend and uses sex to try and make something happen with it, but again the friend does not reciprocate those feelings. There is also the issue that both parties go into the hook up with the same feelings and expectations, but afterwards are in different places. One might gain feelings, one might lose feelings, or if the sex didn’t go well they may feel awkward around each other.
The underlying issue is that when we have friends of the opposite sex, it can sometimes be hard to know where the line is drawn between friendly feelings and romantic feelings; you like this person, care for them, and are maybe some what attracted to them. You may ask yourself, “Do I like them as a friend, or as something more?” Then one night you both get drunk and go home together, or your hanging out and passions naturally arise, and the next day you’re both left feeling awkward.
Guys have often said they lost respect for their friend after sex with her because they now saw how the girl really is, or saw her in a different way than they had before and it made them feel differently. They also said that it was awkward because they weren’t sure where the girl stood.
So how do you combat this issue?
- 1st, before even hooking up, ask yourself, “Is it worth jeopardizing our friendship for?
- 2nd, if you get the chance, talk with your friend. Is he interested, what are his expectations, etc.
- 3rd, keep the lines of communication open after it happens. If you don’t have feelings, make sure to let them know so they feel less awkward and know where you stand. If you do have feelings? You might have to bite the bullet and talk to them about it, as hard as that may be. Maybe something will come of it, maybe they feel differently and nothing will come of it, but it’s better then sitting around feeling bad because you now like your friend and can’t do anything about it.
- 4th, don’t try and use sex as a way to elevate the friendship to a relationship. Like I said, there is a chance the guy is going to lose respect for you after having sex, not see you in a more romantic light.
Again, talking about your desires or elevating the level with smaller steps like flirting and light touching is an easier and less damaging way to find out if he is interested in dating or not.
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