So I think often times with Sex columns, magazines, shows, and even Human Sexuality courses, people think they are going to get a how to, but mostly they get lessons about sexuality, proper hygiene and health, anatomy, and a lot of relationship/communication advice. I think what people often really want though, are the “How-to’s”. People want to know how to give good head, have bigger orgasms, turn on their partner, be more sexy, etc. etc.
Obviously I can’t fit them all in here, but I’ll give some brief how-to’s on some most asked about topics:
1) How do I have better sex? This is probably the biggest question people have when it comes to sex, is how do I make it better. First, you have to ask yourself two questions: A) Do I want to have better sex because I think people out there are having kinkier sex than me and B) Am I pleased with the sex I’m having now? If it’s A, then you need to not focus on the sex that other people are having and more on the sex you are having. Sure there are people having better sex, but there are plenty of people who are having sex as good as you are, and even more that are having worse sex than you. If your answer to B is “no”, what is it that’s not working? Are you not orgasming? Is it boring? Are we not connecting? Figure this out, and then do some of these things based on what’s going on in your life:
- Not orgasming: see next how-to
- Sex is boring: try some new positions (check out cosmo’s position of the day http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/rock-his-boat-sex-position), locations, toys, and times of day. Changing up your routine will make things more interesting
- Not connecting: try making more eye contact during sex, talk about sex during the day other then when you’re having it, include more foreplay, and if it’s still not working then there may be something bothering you in the relationship that you need to talk about.
2) How do I have stronger orgasms? First I would like to reiterate that not all women can orgasm through vaginal sex. It doesn’t directly stimulate the clitoris which is the main player in female orgasms. If you want to have orgasms during sex, try stimulating your clitoris (or have your partner stimulate it) with a finger or small vibrator (magic bullets are good). If you are achieving orgasm but just want it to be bigger/stronger, one thing is to work on your Kegel muscles. To find it, try stopping the flow of urine next time you are using the bathroom. That is your Kegel muscle. Try and do ten reps of tightening your Kegels multiple times throughout the day and that can help with strong orgasms. Another thing is to elongate stimulation. Whether it be during partner sex or masturbation, don’t just start pounding away at it until you orgasm; prolong the build up. The longer you go, the better it will be.
3) How do I turn on my partner? This is a tricky question because obviously everyone’s partner is different. Some are more visual, some are more audio (like to hear things), some are more kinesthetic (get turned on by touch), it all depends. Also, some guys can get an erection just at the sight or thought of their partner, while other guys need more physical stimulation. So, for the visual people: send them a sexy picture (but don’t include the face unless you REALLY trust them), show up wearing some sexy lingerie, or watch porn together. For the audio people: leave them a sexy voicemail, whisper something naughty in their ear, or make some carnal noises when you begin hooking up. For the kinesthetic people: give them quick touches in unexpected but sensitive areas of the body (waist, back of the neck, lower abs), grab their knee under the table, really let them explore your body when you get naked. Also, and this may seem simple enough, just ask them what turns them on and then play that up next time you want to get it on. If you know they like their neck or ears kissed, that should be your go-to move. Or if he is a butt guy, play up your “assets” with some cute yoga pants or a tight skirt.
4) How do I get more turned on? Well, hopefully your partner is the type of person that wants to turn you on. Certainly talking to them about what gets you hot and bothered is a good step towards getting what you want. Sometimes it’s also the mental game of overcoming whatever is going on in your world at the moment in order to get yourself in the mood. Take a minute to release all the stressful thoughts of the day and think about the fun you are going to have. Enjoy the relaxing, good feeling, intimate time you are about to have with your partner versus just seeing it as something else to cross off the to-do list.
Hope those help, please feel free to leave comments with other things you’d like some how-to’s on and I can do another article on them!
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image credit: google images