We all know basic etiquette rules, like always write a thank-you note, put your napkin on your lap, never show up empty-handed to a dinner party, and to always offer your guests a drink, but do we know how to handle the various real-life etiquette situations college throws at us? What do you do when you see a former hook-up in the library? How do you react when someone approaches you at a
party that you are less than fond of? Do you handle the situation with grace and engage in conversation, or take out your phone and pretend to be texting? If you fall into the later category, then read this real-life etiquette guide carefully.
Situation 1:
You see a former hook-up at the gym/library/Union/(insert campus location here):
While your first instinct may be to promptly turn around and walk the other way, but you are classier than that. While you don’t have to engage in a lengthy conversation about your families and life plans, the polite thing to do is say a quick hello. Flip the scenario around: your feelings would be hurt if he pretended he didn’t see you and took off sprinting like he was in the Olympics. You don’t even have to stop, just smile and say a quick “Hey _____, how’s it going?” and keep walking. You don’t even have to wait for a response, since the casual “how’s it going?” is more of salutation that doesn’t necessarily require a response. If he responds with a “Good, and you?” respond with a friendly “Great, thanks! See you around,” and continue on with your day. If he slows down and clearly wants to have a conversation, after your “great, thanks,” tell him you are just running off to (the gym/class/anywhere but here), and that you’ll see him around. Gets you out fast, without being rude.
If your goal is to get away as quick as possible, then don’t stop walking during the entire exchange, which sends the signal that you’re on the go, and don’t have time to engage in a full-fledged conversation. Your goal here is to be friendly and casual, but show that you’re not vested.
Situation 2:
You see someone you just met, but think they might not remember you:
Ah, the casual encounter passing on the way to class, or at the gym. You met them last weekend at a party, they’re your friend’s friend’s friend, and while you remember them, you’re not sure they remember you. What if you say hi and they give you an “uhhh and you are?” look? Or, what if you don’t say hi, and you come off as rude? Choices, Choices.
Your best bet in this situation is a smile and a slight nod. Give them a warm smile, and go about your business. If they do remember you, after your smile, they might extend a hello. If they have no idea who you are, then you will just be a nice stranger who is overly happy and friendly- no harm done.
Situation 3:
You see someone you DO NOT like- what do you do?
While your instinct may be to give them a dirty look, remain calm. Instead, just ignore them. Pretend that they are like any other person you don’t know, and continue talking to your friends, or whatever else you were doing. IF they do engage with you, remain composed and collected. A good general rule to go by is that you will never regret being polite to someone, you will just regret being rude. With that tip in mind, a simple “hello,” or a more casual “how are ya?” will suffice. I’m a big fan of the casual “how are ya” in many social situations because it is less formal than a “how are you,” and is not an actual question, just an acknowledgement. So a simple “how are ya,” will suffice, and then walk away. You are too classy to engage in a rhetoric battle, especially out in public.
Situation 4:
Someone comes up to you, and you have NO idea who they are.
Someone approaches you, clearly happy to see you, and wants to engage in conversation. The only problem: you have NO idea who they are. Maybe you met them at a party, when you were, ahem, less
than at your sharpest, or they are mistaking you for someone else.
The goal is to not make them feel stupid, and escape the situation with as little pain (for both parties) as possible. The most crucial thing here is to go with the flow. If they say “OMG hey!! How are you?” respond with a friendly, “Great, thanks! How are you doing?” If you see an out in the conversation, take it. (Refer to the second paragraph in Situation 1). If this isn’t possible and they continue the conversation, let the mysterious person do the majority of the talking. They say, “So how fun was that party?” answer with a “SO fun! What else did you do that night?” and let them carry the conversation. If you have no idea what they’re talking about (and your déjà brew doesn’t kick in), just be friendly, laugh a lot, and give general, non-committal answers like “yeah haha!” “haha I know,” or my personal favorite rhetorical response, “haha really!”
A situation we can all relate to is when everyone’s confidence has been jump started by their alcoholic beverage of choice, they’re out at the Brew, and they approach you saying, “OMG!!! You’re in my Public Speaking/Human Sexuality/Astronomy/(insert class here)!!!!!” You might have noticed them, you might not have. If it is the former, be friendly and respond with a “Yeah! That test was so hard, right?” You don’t have to buy best friend necklaces at the end of the night, but be friendly and courteous. If you have never seen them before in your life, save them some shame and pretend you do.
Famous etiquette authority Emily Post once said, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” This is an excellent quote to keep in mind as you navigate through college, and life’s, social situations. Remember that you will never regret being polite, play it cool, and you’ll be set to handle those awkward social situations life throws at you.