Women always get slack for being too needy, bossy or being labeled with the endearing “Stage 5 Clinger” status. So here are five ways to avoid becoming the crazy one-time-hookup or the psycho ex-girlfriend.
Don’t expect everything at once
You just met a guy at a party and you guys really hit it off. He asked for your number and gave you the sweetest goodnight kiss. So you guys are totally going to start dating right? Wrong. Please save your friends and the guy the trouble of thinking that. Don’t text him the next day saying what a fun time you guys had. If he likes you, he already knows he had fun and doesn’t need you to remind him. Patience is a virtue, ladies. Wait a couple days and see if he gets up the nerve to talk to you again. Most guys like playing the waiting game, partly to make sure you aren’t nuts and call/text him right away. Plus since it’s the beginning of the relationship they feel no need to hurry it along. Take a page from their book and relax. If you don’t hear from him in a few days go ahead and ask him what he’s been up to… but if he doesn’t answer it’s not because his phone was run over by an 18-wheeler or his mom stopped paying his bill. Forget about him and move on.
Keep your options open
In our grandparents’ time it was perfectly acceptable to date around. Girls would go out with two or three guys in one week. I’m not sure when women started being labeled harlots for doing this, but I don’t think it’s fair and we need to bring it back. As long as you’re not sleeping with these guys, there is absolutely no harm in going to dinner or out for drinks with a couple different guys. You have to test the waters somehow! Related to the previous one, guys don’t expect that just because you two talked all night for one night, he’s supposed to be monogamous with you. You have no obligation to him either. Remember though; there’s a fine line between testing the waters and being a gold digger. Don’t continue exploiting a sweet guy just for some free dinner and drinks. If you aren’t into someone let them know – you wouldn’t want to be led on, don’t do it to someone else.
Listen to your friends
If your friends are saying that he’s totally a nice guy who you need to give a chance, believe them. On the flip side, if your friends are saying that he’s a John Mayer type of guy (and not the sexy singing-and-playing-guitar part) take that as your warning and get out. This also means don’t ditch your girls for a guy who, at 9 p.m., asks you out on a Friday. You’re probably his back up plan if he doesn’t respect you enough to make plans before then. Your friends are on the outside looking in; whether he’s a good guy or not it will show, and your friends will be able to see it. Always remember that your friends aren’t the ones dating him, so telling you they don’t like your guy isn’t for their benefit- they’re doing it because they have YOUR best interests at heart!
Think with your head, not your heart
Movies and music tell us that love is irrational and can’t be explained. But these are the kinds of thoughts that get us ladies into trouble. Once you’re in a relationship (or are about to start one) try to
look at the facts. Does he show up when he says he will? Does it seem like a chore to hang out with him? Is he distracted while you two are out? A true connection isn’t forced, and if you find yourself pushing to make something work, especially in the beginning, it’s a lost cause. Don’t push something to work because you’re lonely or sick of being a third wheel. It’ll end badly for all parties involved.
If it’s over, it’s over
Have some dignity and self-respect; when the relationship ends, let it end. There’s a subtle grace about letting even the hardest and most brutal relationships go. You don’t look like the idiot if you keep your head high. Don’t resort to slashing tires, physical abuse or other kinds of sabotage; you’re too classy for that. You’ll feel guilty later on and doing that ruins just about any chance you have of becoming friends later on. Or it might be tempting to get a hold of him again and tell him how much you miss him, how everything you do reminds you of him. Sure, you may be thinking this but say it to your girls rather than your ex. In the long run it will make things easier and you’ll be over the raw hurt faster. If you really believe you two made the wrong decision wait a week and see how you feel, don’t continue making rash decisions.
Images from deviantART, and Sex and the City