Facebook. We all use it, and we all creep it, no matter how hard you deny it. Everyone uses Facebook differently, but after a few days of careful observations (and some minor Facebook creeping), here is the list of the six Hawkeyes you’ll find on Facebook.
1. The Mirror-Picture-Taker
This is the girl who, when out with friends, snaps photos in the mirror of the Summit bathroom, making silly faces and poses. On days when her friends are busy, she may feel the need to take photos of herself in her own bathroom mirror due to her perceived “high attractiveness level” of that day. She may caption the photo, “PJ’s and no makeup, ew!” or “livin’ young, wild and free <3” depending on the exact location of the mirror photo. To the Mirror-Picture-Taker, this kind of photography did not end in the 8th grade like it did for many others.
2. The TMI Sharer
The TMI Sharer makes statuses daily that describe his or her life troubles, relationships woes, divorce issues, baby-daddy issues, family fights, what he/she is eating for lunch, and/or the exact plans by hour for their night that night. You consistently scroll through your newsfeed to find an update on nearly every aspect of their life, no matter how many people care or not. An example may be “So glad it is a new year. After my nasty breakup with Shawn who cheated on me with two nasty girls, and a falling-out with my unsupportive mother, I finally have moved on to a wonderful new man! We’re starting out the New Year by going to dinner at the Brown Bottle, seeing a movie in Coralville, and celebrating at Summit tonight!” The TMI Sharer is not to be confused with the “Mupload Obsesser,” who obsessively takes photos with her iPhone or Droid and uploads photos everywhere she goes and one with everyone she is with.
3.The Greek
The Greek proudly flaunts her Greek membership on Facebook. Her profile picture is usually one of her and sisters in their letters, and her status frequently expresses her undying love and admiration for her fellow sisters. Most tagged photos feature the “hand on the hip” pose, or girls doing Greek signs with their hands. They are sometimes edited on Picnik to create a flawless, glowing look. The Greek enjoys showing off her philanthropy, Greek outings, and her beautiful and abundant mass of sisters.
4. The Partier
The Partier obviously loves to party. At Iowa, there is no threat of extinction to these kinds of Facebookers. Statuses from The Partier include, “Never drinking again,” or “What the…what happened last night?” or even “So hung over I can’t even move. Ordering Jimmy John’s delivery and watching SVU in bed all day.” On bad nights, The Partier’s status the next day might be, “Lost my phone, camera, and wallet. Facebook me if you need me…” Mobile uploads and tagged photos of The Partier are often hilarious and wild, most of which The Partier has no recollection of. And they often feature Hawkeye Vodka in the background.
5. The Nerd
The Nerd checks-in at the library daily, and it’s not the bar in the Ped Mall. They post statues about how their brain hurts, how they’ve spent the last 8 hours in the library, and how Microbiology is going to make their brain explode. They like to share interesting articles they read in the Wall Street Journal, and they are the smartest ones on campus who care dearly about their grades. They lack in the number of tagged photos they have, mostly because they actually enjoy a relaxing night in on a Friday catching up on homework. During finals week, The Nerd might deactivate their Facebook all together, to concentrate solely on their studies.
6. The Quote Poster
The Quote Poster never thinks he/she has anything witty enough to say, and instead likes to post quotes about life, love, and other “interesting” topics. Scroll through your newsfeed, and you are likely to find a few Hawkeyes who enjoy a good, sappy quote to help get others through the day. The Quote Poster likes to quote Grey’s Anatomy, and when a good movie is on, they like to quote the best lines from it, hoping for a few “likes” from people who also like said movie. Song lyrics are also a common choice for The Quote Poster, including Taylor Swift, Alanis Morissette, Adele, and even Drake. An example of a Quote Poster’s Status includes, “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.” He or she is usually very emotional and shares their feelings quite freely.
(Disclaimer: These are generalized stereotypes and are not to be taken too seriously!)