Someone shouts, “Fire!” you look for an exit. Someone yells, “Food fight!” and you stand on your chair and start chucking mash potatoes. Someone screams, “Bomb!” and you think “OH SH*T”.
If someone talks about Christmas and the first picture that pops into your head isn’t a pine tree with a bunch of presents underneath it, then congratulations. You’re definitely a better person than I am.
For the rest of us, it’s that time of the year when Christmas lists are near the top of our already extensive to-do lists. Sure, listing off all the crap you want is easy, but there’s also that long list of other people that are expecting gifts from you.
Now, there are really only two questions that determine what you get someone for Xmas:
- How much are you willing to spend?
- Who is this person?
For college students, the first one’s usually pretty simple.
“How much are you willing to sp – what’s that word? – spend? Spend what? Money!? Who the hell does this kid think he is? What money? I drank and ate every dime I had last weekend.”
Yeah.
However, when it comes to whom the gift is for, it can get complicated. I typically fail miserably when it comes to getting presents for my significant other, which is expected; you show me a woman who knows exactly what she wants and I’ll show you a flying pig. Point is, I tried and that’s all that matters right? Sure. Whatever.
Ladies, you’re not much better. I don’t know how many Home Depot commercials I’ve seen with woman getting there man a new drill for the holidays. WTF? Why on earth would he want a power tool? If she got me an electric saw for Christmas, all I would be able to think is, “Wow. She either really wants me to fix something or thinks I’m too dumb to appreciate something even remotely mentally stimulating.”
So if you are pretty much broke, have no idea what to get your boyfriend or whatever you want to call him, and are still reading this, here are a couple relatively inexpensive and genuinely awesome gift ideas I’m pretty sure he’ll enjoy.
1. Sex
Boom. (What did you think I was going to suggest a chastity ring? Come on now.) Sex is the first thing that he’s going to be thinking of so it might as well be first on the list. As far as inexpensive gifts go, this takes the cake too. Fulfill one of his fantasies. Fulfill both your fantasies. Come over wearing something sexy. Come over wearing nothing at all. If you never go down on him, now’s probably a great time to consider holding it over his head as a gift. Anything you can think of that would count, as a “present” will work.
2.NomNomNom
No, this isn’t about the going down suggestion. A way to a man’s heart though is food. Get him some gift cards to his favorite restaurants, bake him a bunch of delicious treats, or take HIM out to dinner one night and pick up the tab.
My suggestion: make him dinner. Go ahead, use all those crazy Pinterest – which I’ll express my thoughts on in some later article – recipes you’ve been saving so you can stuff yourself on the next snow day and make him a feast. Plus, if you can get your parents/roommates/siblings out of your hair for a while and be alone this could turn into one of your better gifts yet (see #1).
3. Tickets
Scoring him tickets to his favorite band’s concert or his number one sports team is another great present. The NBA starts it’s shortened season Christmas day (thank you God) and tickets should be pretty reasonably priced (even though I believe we all deserve free tickets after this lockout jocantry). There’s plenty of concerts coming up too and many bands tour well into the spring.
My suggestion: get him two tickets, but don’t assume you’re going with him. You’re getting these tickets for him remember? He’ll ask you to go if he wants you to. By all means let him get plastered and take one of his friends. He’s not going to forget who got him the tickets. You’ll likely be showered with profound drunken phone calls and praise as well. Bulls tickets go on sale December 16th and Ticketmaster, StubHub, Ticketfly and The House of Blues all are great sites to find upcoming events.
4. Clothes & Accessories
No, I don’t mean go get him a couple nice ties. What are you his mother? And no, don’t get him that frat-tastic polo you saw at Macys either. Get him something he’ll actually want to wear. Shoes. Sunglasses. Hats. Watches. A Blazer. A Coat. Cologne. These are the type of sartorial lines you need to be walking on.
He’ll wear whatever you get him regardless; however, the point is to get him something he’ll pick out of his closet on his own. You don’t want him to feel like Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. If something’s out of your budget, get him a gift card to Macys or Dillards and nudge him in the right direction when he goes to use it. Here are a few examples…
- Watch – Every man needs a good watch. Period. Here are a few quality and affordable ones. If he says he wouldn’t wear it or use it, smack him upside the head and tell him too bad.
- Shoes – I don’t even feel an explanation is necessary. Personal choice is something like this. Now you know why I’m broke.
- Coat – He’ll wear something like this parka everyday in the winter.
5. A Skill
Men can be stubborn and lazy. When winter rolls around and everyone’s pissy seasonal affective disorder mood swings are fully functional this can take on new levels (that goes double for women when it’s that time of the month). Don’t let him be a stick in the mud all winter. Think of classes or lessons he would like to try.
If he’s always saying he wants to learn to play guitar, get him a couple lessons. Sign him up for boxing. Maybe his dream is to be the world’s best fencer. It doesn’t really matter you’ll know better than me. If you think he’ll be ‘too cool’ to go to one of these, make it an experience for the both of you. Purchase a couple group personal training sessions at a gym; try ballroom dancing; make reservations for skydiving. The experience will expand both your boundaries.
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