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Guy & Gal Book Review: a**hole·ol·o·gy: The Cheat Sheet

Colie’s Review:
            Chris Illuminati’s book is about “putting the science into practice in every day situations,” aka: how to be an a-hole in just about every situation you can think of. Do men really need a guide for that? Are you that pathetic that you don’t know how to be an a-hole, but not a douche – which Illuminati stresses in the book.
            While Illuminati makes some valid points, most of the other stuff I laughed at and over half the book I caught myself saying, “What the f*ck?”
            Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I hate a-holes. Yes, I am a feminist. No, that does not automatically make me a penis hating, radical, “I’m going to be rude to every guy out there because I am empowering females’ rights” type of feminist.
            This is Illuminati’s second book, while I did not read his first book, I feel I did not need to because he did reference it a lot. And quite honestly, how hard is it to be an a-hole?
Illuminati’s book was broken down into chapters that covered certain sections: the first was “dealing with friends,” then “dealing with family,” “working hard at hardly working,” so forth and so on. Illuminati’s first situation is dumping an old friend. At first I was appalled, but then he went onto explain that this is the type of friend that you see every once in awhile but grew up with and talk about the same people, re-tell the same stories, and nothing really changes. Ok Illuminati, well played. Another situation he talks about is seeking revenge. One, I’m not huge revenge person, I believe in karma. But for those who are revenge seekers, this could be useful.
One of the situations I did find completely odd in the book was in the friend section and was something along the lines of ‘how to sell your friends car for cash.’ Ummm…what? Oh wait, you’re an a-hole, so that would make sense. I had to remind myself that while many of the situations Illuminati explain made sense (to a degree), the other stuff I just shook my head at and said, “Only an a-hole would.”
There are the typical situations such as ‘have sex with a female intern,’ ‘your bro brought his girl to guys night,’ ‘borrow money from people without returning it,’ ‘you’re horny and she’s asleep,’ etc. You know, those typical situations that every male a-hole dreams about.
There were sometimes I laughed, a lot of his “Don’t Be A Douche” commentary was funny, and in the back of the book there were a few examples of thing that will guarantee you a backhanded slap.  
Illuminati also made some valid points, one of them that made me go “awwww” was something along the lines of ‘you’re going to be a dad, it’s a good thing.’ He made sure to make a point to be there for him, and to talk to him while in the womb – although he did say to talk about the a-hole books to him. Other valid points were ‘keep a repairman from screwing you over,’ ‘how to remember a persons name,’ and other, surprisingly, useful stuff.
Overall, Illuminati left me with some good chuckles, some WTF moments, and a good quick read. But overall, since I am not trying to be an a-hole, most of this will have no use to me. But it does leave me with a good blog/possible book idea…. “b*tch·ol·o·gy.”

Peter Review: 
            Before I read this, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how to be an a-hole. I mean hey, I don’t claim to be an a-hole… all the time. I thought that I was when I needed to be, and that when I needed to be I was pretty efficient about it.
            This book changes that.
            I don’t know if I would recommend it for everyone (girls) and I know that I would never use all of the rules that are in the book, but there were a lot of helpful hints that I kind of hope I never need to use in my life, but am happy to know I have in case I need it later in life.
            The way the book is set up is as a go-to list of specific scenarios in which being an a-hole can be beneficial. It goes on to explain how to be an a-hole and get what you want out of the situation. All of the scenarios follow the Ten Demandments of being an A-hole, mainly number I:
The a-hole cares about the a-hole most
            A few tips were way past my current state of mind, being the “nice” kind of guy that I am. The main two that come to mind are “How to steal a friend’s car and sell it” and “Steal a friend’s identity.” First of let me say that both of these tips are outlined way too well as if they’re written from experience (makes the book more credible and awesome), and secondly I just don’t see myself as someone who steals from my friend. I guess if I truly were an a-hole I would follow Demandment VII as it is written in the book:
The a-hole takes what he wants
            There were also tips that were totally awesome and that I hope to use at some point in life.
            Well I don’t really want to use them a ton, but the tip, “Crash at a Friend’s Place Indefinitely” is incredibly useful and actually ends up being kind of nice. It is about abusing a friendship for a place to sleep, but at the same time the majority of it ends up being sound advice. “Offer to pay rent eventually…” and “pay for your own toilet paper and rent” are among the tips. Also that being home all the time when your friend is home isn’t good, and getting along with his girlfriend will make your stay a lot easier and, if need be, longer as well.
            Throughout the book there are some interesting tips that I’ll let potential future readers find out for you. Some are, “You got passed up for a promotion, start a war,” “The cops have arrived, now what?” and, “Seek revenge using the web.”
            Once again I’ve got to remind readers, this book is intended for guys, so it’s written from a male perspective. Some tips, such as “Get out of being in a wedding” may not be something a girl is interested in, but tips that are intended for a male a-hole could be easily changed to fit a girl. The tip that comes to mind when I think of this is “Sleep with an intern, then get her fired.” Why can’t it be “get him fired”? It seems reasonable enough for either to do.
            I’d recommend it to all girls with a good sense of humor who aren’t going to get super offended by stuff that is… kind of super offensive. As a whole, an interesting read. A book that has a slow start but gets hard to put down after you read a good tip. Or after you read a tip that you can’t believe was actually published in a book.

To see more information about Chris and his book, please visit his website: 

We would also like to thank Chris very much for his book, regardless of the reviews we really appreaciate it!

Nicole Lumbreras is a junior at University of Iowa, class of 2012, studying Journalism and Sociology. Born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago, Nicole loves to explore new restaurants, see live music and attend sporting events. Nicole loves to travel, dance, write in her blog and takes pleasure in the art of photography. Nicole loves to spend time with her friends and family, and when time allows she will get her fill of Bad Girls Club, Glee, So You Think You Can Dance, and Grey's Anatomy. Nicole recently got foot surgery and rediscovered running; her goal is to run a half marathon before she is 25. After college she plans to move into the city (Chicago) with a American bulldog, attend graduate school at night and hopefully write for Chicago Magazine or another fun and upcoming project.
Peter Frankman is an underclassman at the University of Iowa from Burbank, California. He has a few addictions in his life: writing, reading, heavy metal, Adult Swim, and any movie with zombies. He joined The University of Iowa's Her Campus team as the writer of the "From a Guy's Perspective" articles in January 2011 and hasn't looked back since (except to make sure he doesn't write the same article twice). Peter's a major in both Journalism and Creative Writing and hopes to become a writer in some way, shape or form after he graduates. That or the President of the United States, he hasn't really focused too much to say anything decisive yet... or maybe he has, we're not quite sure. If he had to choose a night of guilty pleasures it would include the Beastie Boys, Monster Import: Light, Zebra Cakes, and a marathon of subpar movies that he thinks are amazing (Blade, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fast and the Furious, etc).
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