Moving to college was a huge transition. You leave behind all of the people that you have known your entire life. It’s terrifying and a huge scramble to find new friends and develop a support system that will help you through these four years. I’m lucky to have found this support system here at Iowa, but I’m also lucky that I had one at home as well. I had an incredible group of friends in high school that was more like a family to me. My best friend and I have stayed in touch very well this year, and I heard so many great things about the friends she was making, and vice versa. I felt a slight pain in my heart though. I hadn’t thought of it working the other way! I was obviously so happy for her, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was still room for little old me in her life. This worry didn’t last long because we’re still the best of friends, but I also wondered if she felt the same way. So, I thought I would take the time and tell her a few things that she needs to know about how much our friendship means to me.
1. Even though I’ve made new friends, I haven’t forgotten you.
I’ve met some pretty amazing people at college, and they’ve become a big part of my life. But that doesn’t mean they’ve replaced you. Being at a different college than your best friend is tricky. I’ve found a sense of community here, and the people that I’ve met have shaped my college experience. They’re here for the ups and downs and all of the little things that make up my life, but trust me, all the big stuff, you’re the first I text about. Let me bring up the wise words of Mindy Kaling: “Best friend isn’t a person. It’s a tier.” No one is going to bump you out of your best friend position. When I think of the people that mean the most to me, I’m still thinking of you.
2. If we go a while without talking much, it’s not because I don’t care.
College is busy. Life is busy. This is no excuse for the week that I spent holed up in my dorm typing papers and studying and only leaving to get food and that I failed to talk to you. There are some times when I am on overload, and I do not find the time. But this has happened when I lived ten minutes away from you and saw you every day. Some days, I wasn’t the most friendly person in the world; some weeks, even. Sometimes, I’ll fail you in the friendship department. But it’s not because I don’t care. I care about our relationship more than the test I am about to get an F on or the stress that my student org is causing or whatever drama is going on that I am worrying about. Or sometimes, things are going great, and I don’t reach out to you. It’s not because I have forgotten you or our friendship. It’s because I know that it is so strong that I don’t have to fuss over it all the time or worry about maintaining it. I know that no matter the distance or how long it’s been since I talked to you, you haven’t changed and neither has our friendship. You’re still there for me and I’m still there for you.
3. You made me who I am.
I did a lot of growing up with you by my side, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. We have spent countless nights watching movies and obsessing over the women in them that we wanted to be like or eating entire pizzas while our metabolisms still let us do that. We’ve also spent countless days and nights on tougher things, like boys we thought we were over, friends we trusted that let us down, personal issues or struggling over questions like “Who am I?” And is that enough? And if I didn’t have you to support me through all of that, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. You let me be strong and grow. You taught me how to let people in and how to love.
4. All of my friends know a lot about you.
I have told my college friends so much about you that they are practically also friends with you. There is always a good two week period after I see you on breaks that practically all I do is tell stories of random stuff we did, and no one really cares but me. All of my friends know about the stupid stuff we’ve done over the years. They probably know your favorite color, what your prom dress looked like last year (because I’ve shown them a lot of pictures of how cute you are), a handful of your embarrassing moments, but also your best ones too. They’ve also heard that mix tape you made me. Several times.
5. Your advice gets me by.
Always has, always will. In high school, it was easier because I could call you, and in ten minutes you could be telling me how to live my life face to face. But even still, I send you screen shots of countless conversations so that you can tell me exactly what to say. Anytime I am facing a personal dilemma, it’s suddenly your problem, too, so thanks for always treating me like a priority. Sometimes I get so caught up in things, and your advice is what gets me through. Without you, I would have probably messed up all of my relationships, and you would probably be my only friend. I don’t say this often, so cherish this, but you are right at least 85 percent of the time. I don’t know how many times you’ve said “I told you so,” but you definitely have the right to, and this will never change.
6. I still use all of our inside jokes, but no one understands them.
We’re pretty weird, and all of the things that we think are funny, I’m slowly realizing are not really. So all the weird phrases and inside jokes that have us falling on the floor aren’t as big of a hit in college. But, ya know what? I’m fine with this. Because when I see you on breaks, I get to tell the same dumb jokes, and they’re funny all over again. And every time I think of one, I think of you. No one else shares that joke with me, just like no one else is you and means all the things you mean to me.
7. I am grateful to have you.
This is something I should tell you more often. I’ve taken you for granted for the past however many years I’ve known you, but you have a place in my heart that is all your own. You’ve stood by me when I had my awkward phase, my bitch phase, my boy-crazy phase and now my terrified-and-always-tired-and-a-little-confused phase. Now that we’re miles apart, you’re still by my side. Some people don’t have a person that understands exactly who they are and won’t judge them. I’m crazy, and you match (sometimes exceed) my crazy, which is pretty extraordinary. So thank you for always being there, and thank you for doing all the things you do for me. You don’t have to, but I’m grateful that you do.
8. I am proud to be your friend.
You are amazing, do you know that? I am constantly blown away by the things that you continue to achieve and the character that you’ve maintained. You are my best friend, but you’re also my greatest role model. You work hard for the things you want, and college is no exception. I had no doubt in my mind that you would do amazing things in college, and here you are doing them! It’s no surprise that I continue to brag about you to my friends. It’s been an honor to be by your side as you tackle every obstacle and achieve every dream that you’ve told me about since 8th grade, but I’m even more proud of the character that you’ve developed over the years. You’re kind, passionate, clever and warm. I am proud to know you and proud that you’ve chosen to be my friend for so many years.
9. You’re still my number one.
You’re still my number one. I’m sure you know this, and if you don’t then I’ve failed you in more ways than one, but no distance could ever make me love you less. You’re still my go-to gal if I have a problem or if I need to tell someone the hilarious thing that happened to me today that just can’t wait. I still have way too many (aka, not enough) pictures of you on my bulletin board, and it’s still you I think of when I want to tell someone great news. Any day, any time, any situation, it’s still you.
10. And you always will be.
The thing I love most about our friendship is that I know you’re not going anywhere. When I’m 80 years old and need help putting in my dentures, I can still call you up. You understand me, and that’s something that can’t be taken for granted. We’ve had our rough patches, and sometimes I’ve thought that maybe we wouldn’t resolve them. But you’re my person. You get me. And every time we’ve come back with the same conclusion: life sucks without you, and I can’t function. So I’m confident that I’ll keep coming to this conclusion, and so will you. It’s comforting to know that I have someone that I can count on all the time, a constant. You’ll be the bridesmaid in my wedding, you’ll bring the wine when one of us gets promoted, and we can be beach buddies when we retire somewhere much warmer than here. So, I guess you can count this as a reservation for a seat in my life for forever. You’re stuck with me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.