“Don’t text him back!”
We’ve all had moments when we’ve screamed this at our friends, while trying to rip their iPhone out of their hands. We’ve all tried to convince our friends to stop talking to the guy who completely shattered their heart and stopped their world from spinning, with no explanation. We’ve held our friends as they cried at midnight, wondering what the hell was wrong with themselves, why they weren’t good enough, why he decided to leave. We’ve eaten pints of Ben & Jerry’s, watching The Notebook, convincing them that there’s nothing else they could’ve done, that they loved him all they could, that he was in the wrong. That’s why, when six months later he texts her, we are so quick to stop her. Of course she shouldn’t talk to him, he ruined her. He broke her in ways that will never heal. When she tells us she hooked up with him again, we roll our eyes, we get angry, we tell her to stop, that she deserves better. It is so obvious she deserves better, and everyone around her can see it.
Yet, we are never able to see this for ourselves.
We do the same thing all our friends do. We text paragraphs to guys who don’t even deserve a “screw you,” let ourselves crawl back to the one who left us crying on the bathroom floor at 3 a.m., give fifth and sixth chances to the boy who repeatedly promises he is going to change but never actually does. We continuously settle for less, time and time again. We continuously settle for someone who hurts us repeatedly. We continuously settle for someone who won’t lift a pinky for us when we are willing to give them the entire world.
Maybe it’s because we’re scared. Scared of being alone. Scared of not having someone to call at 3 a.m. when our entire life is falling apart. Scared of losing the person who somehow manages to make us feel both broken and whole at the same time.
Maybe it’s because society tells women we are nothing if we don’t have a boyfriend. The message is in fairytales, movies, everywhere. A boyfriend is the end goal. Happiness cannot be achieved without a boyfriend. So we hang on to someone who hurts us, because hey, at least we have someone than no one at all.
The honest fact is, the reasons we use to justify staying with a guy who consistently hurts us are complete garbage. You are not alone without him, and you know this. You have your friends, your family, and more importantly, yourself. At the end of the day, boyfriend or not, all we all really have is ourselves. Loving yourself is far more important and beautiful than being with a boy who makes you hate yourself, or being with someone who only loves you when it’s convenient for them.
Don’t go back to the guy who ruined you just because you think you need him to be happy, that you will never smile again without him. The truth is, it will hurt for awhile, and it will hurt like hell. But I guarantee you, in the end you will be a million times happier. You will be happy because you will no longer need to toss restlessly in your bed each night, wondering if he’s going to randomly leave you, with no explanation, like he’s done so many times before. You’ll be happier because you’ll never have to skip class because your face is red and puffy from crying after the way he hurt you the night before. You’ll be happier because you are in your control of your happiness, instead of some immature boy who fails to see your worth, who fails to see how much you’ve invested in him.
Relying on others for happiness is scary because they have the ability to take it away at any time you want. Relying on yourself for happiness is much safer, healthier, and an essential part of becoming an adult.
Don’t go back to him because you know you deserve better, and someday someone better will come. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but someday someone will come in your life who will appreciate you and all the love you have to give. Someday you will have someone who never makes you wonder where you stand with them, who doesn’t act like he wants you one second and not the next, someone who points out your best qualities, not your flaws.
Lastly, remember that your own goals and accomplishments are far more important than any guy. What you did with your time in college, and the grades you got and effort you put in will matter in 10 years. A guy who treats you like garbage won’t. Focus on working your hardest, so you can score that dream job, that dream house, that dream life. Succeed flawlessly to show that boy what he gave up, and more importantly do it for yourself, to prove to yourself you are capable of achieving greatness on your own. College isn’t all about boys, it’s about learning who you are and ultimately who you want to become. It’s about showing the world what you can do. So don’t let a boy, who doesn’t treat you like the goddess you are, ruin the best years of your life. Focus on yourself, realize your worth, and the rest, including a person who truly deserves your love, will come in due time. Set an example for your friends, for your future daughter, for all other women in your life by refusing to settle for a partner, or love, that is anything less than extraordinary.