We’ve all had that one breakup (or maybe more) where you or your ex may have insisted on staying friends, but that probably isn’t the best idea. No matter how amicable the end may have seemed, you need time to grieve and move on. In my experience, staying friends directly after the breakup sometimes gives us the hope that it could turn back into something romantic.
When we end on good terms, we keep in contact — whether it be texting every hour of the day or hanging out once a week. Why is keeping in contact a bad thing, you may ask? Well, I find that it’s hard to shift from relationship dynamics to simply friendship. The boundaries can get blurry and you may end up crossing a line that creates a situationship — something to be avoided at all costs. Now suddenly you’re arguing about a girl they followed on Instagram and how it shouldn’t even matter because you’re not together. You don’t want the stressors of a relationship without getting the benefits!
When you break up on “bad terms” it means you ended in the heat of an argument, and now you hold a sort of grudge towards each other. The resentment created from this fuels your desire to ignore the other person, which can go on for a while. Eventually, you’re able to move on to better things because you removed this person (and perhaps toxicity) from your life. You’ve accepted that part of your life as the past, which closes a door and opens a window.
In my experience, the no-contact rule is the best way to approach things and teaches you how to grow as a person without another person in the picture. Following this rule means breaking off ALL contact with your ex — no texting, no calling, no FaceTime, no Snapchat, not even following each other on Instagram.
I know we’re all guilty of posting a story in hopes that they’ll view it, and then cross our fingers that they’ll slide up. If you do that, you’re losing a piece of your sanity to the obsession! I’m not saying you’re the only one, cause heaven knows how many times I’ve done it, but you’re going to drive yourself mad. Stop looking for the validation of seeing their name under your views and dedicating your time to getting their attention. It’s time to move on and focus on yourself for now!
Give all that energy to yourself! You deserve to see what else the world has to offer and spend time with other people that care about you. And believe your bestie when she says to stay away from that one ex! Be grateful that it happened and then let it go — it isn’t healthy to hold onto something that’s over. I’m sure you have plenty of friends to lean on, losing this one won’t kill you. Go travel, read a book, start a new hobby, and meet new people — anything that brings you the peace we all deserve.