** Disclaimer: this article is only meant to be a humorous piece of work. This should not be taken seriously as nothing in this article written is of negative intent nor meant to hurt any groups of people**
As the leaves change to a beautiful array of colors and the air gets more frigid as the days go by, we can all safely say that fall is now upon us. We now move into what is called Cuffing Season, as popularly stated throughout social media. As defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is a period of time where single people begin looking for short-term/long-term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year.
As we know, each geographical environment produces its own type of man. We have the Finance bros of New York or the Tech Bros of Silicon Valley. Each of them come with their pros and cons; however, they hold their own type of recognizable red flags. Since Cuffing Season is upon us, I think it would be a great time to recognize what Top 10 Red Flags UConn Bros here at Storrs CT may have. Keeping a healthy and safe dating scene is a great concern, and what better way to do that than recognizing our own UConn Men and their “no no’s”? Now, these don’t have to be deal-breakers; however, just remember you were warned.
1) In every girls’ darty pics
Now look, I get it you’re having a fun time at the darty, your fit is looking good, your hair is perfectly set, and the sunlight looks like a paid actor. So, of course, you would want to take a picture to commemorate the moment. However, what are the chances that the variables line up perfectly like that almost every weekend? Even more, how is it possible that you just happen to know or “be friends” with every girl at UConn? ‘Cause surely, I would be concerned if you were the common denominator in every photo in my Instagram/Snapchat timeline after the darty.
2) Trying to get a flow or a mullet (Bonus points if he already has one)
See, the UConn wind here is not to be taken lightly. I only hope you don’t find yourself next to one of those buildings on campus that create a wind tunnel that makes you feel like you are fighting to the death against a cold tornado at 3:15 pm on a Tuesday. Luckily I have survived one of those battles, but my umbrella was not so lucky.
However, something is giving me the feeling that a “flow” will not protect you from that blasting wind that makes you wish you had rather stayed in your bed that day. All that hair will not keep you or your head warm. The flow will most likely be messy and ruined because the wind shows no mercy for anyone or anything, especially your hair.
If you want to argue it’s for aesthetics, fine, it’s a look. However, I thought the mullet trend was left in the 80s as we turned towards more efficient and modernized times. But who knows, maybe party theme 80’s throwback just resonated with certain boys of UConn too much.
3) oNLY HAS aLCOHOL/cOFFEE/eNERGY dRINKS IN HIS fRIDGE
As a bartender, I can understand the science of keeping your alcohol cool. However, if you only have: alcohol, coffee, or energy drinks in your fridge, quite frankly, I’m a little scared. Why is that the only thing you need refrigerated? I’m not saying you need all the ingredients for a charcuterie board ready at any notice ready in your fridge. But how come you don’t have anything else, like yogurt, Chick-Fil-a sauce, or maybe even an ice pack?
All I know is if you look into a guy’s fridge and see only one of those three things being the only thing in there, you should be a little concerned. Maybe check to make sure the guy doesn’t have a caffeine/alcohol addiction and that he’s getting his nutrition during his day, but then I think the door to leave should probably be your next stop.
4) gOES TO THE REC cENTER FOR 2-3 HOURS EVERY DAY
Everyone nowadays is really on their own journey. All of us have destinations, some similar, some totally opposite from one another, and that’s cool. We are all figuring out what we want out of life. But I raise an interesting question which I feel is pretty fair in these terms— why does your journey include going to the Recreational Center for 2-3 hours daily? What is the purpose of religiously without missing a beat going to the Rec Center for 2-3 hours every day? If you’re trying to be a trainer, fitness coach, or something to do with exercise, well, then excuse me for misjudging.
But besides that, what does the Rec Center and working out nonstop give you for 2-3 whole hours? Unless you are doing a full around-the-world experience of everything the Rec Center offers, like working out on the machines, to the pool, then to the basketball court, and whatever else your heart desires. Well, then, in that scenario, that time commitment makes sense. But if you can’t give a solid story with a plot, different environments, different details, and characters in your story of what you did in that 2-3 hours, well, then I would like to call your bluff.
However, physical health is biologically and mentally important for us as human beings, including the fact that the gym scene has been on the rise for the last few years. Therefore, I would say this one is more of an eyebrow-raiser rather than a deal-breaker.
5) dOESN’T RIDE OR DIE FOR THE BASKETBALL TEAM
The second UConn releases tickets to the basketball games for this season, I will be on the website instantly getting tickets, doing my all to go to those games and support the team. It’s fair to say that because of my own experiences, I learned a lot about basketball and found a love for the sport before I even came to UConn. However, I have seen people who didn’t know anything about basketball and find enjoyment in it. Especially the pride that came with supporting our own Women’s and Men’s Basketball teams here at UConn.
Now it almost seems strange not to want to support your school team. How do you not have a rush of excitement every time the UConn team makes a three-pointer? The pure happiness and joy of seeing such a beautiful shot being made. It makes me wonder. As I know, the trend of being nonchalant has been on the rise for the last few years. But, being nonchalant when the basketball team makes a game-changing shot or when the referee makes a questionable call, now that just doesn’t sit right in my gut. It hints at him being emotionally unavailable, and that’s for basketball. Imagine this UConn Bro in a relationship? Horrifying.
6) iS SEEN AND PRESENT AT EVERY SORORITY DATE NIGHT
Quick GreekLife101 lesson if you don’t know what a sorority date night is: date night is a sorority function that one chapter throws that evening, either near or off-campus. You get to bring dates to the event, dress up in cocktail/semi-formal outfits (unless there is a theme) and have a great night dancing/socializing with your sisters and their dates. Here at UConn, it is usually held at Huskies Restaurant & Bar. Some girls choose not to bring dates altogether, and some choose to bring a date; there is no requirement.
However, imagine a scenario where somehow a guy goes to multiple date nights in a semester— each time with a completely different girl. Imagine if, somehow, he ends up going to a majority of the date nights held, if not all of them. Now look, if you’re a social butterfly and somehow you just happen to know many people, great, continue being your amazing social butterfly self.
However, I would like to put money on the proposition that when this “imaginary” scenario does come up, a decent amount of the time, it’s not because the guy is a social butterfly. It’s because someone has just been chatting up a lot of girls. In all fairness, hats off to you for being able to score so many date night invites; it’s impressive really. It takes a certain type of skill to finesse that. However, that skill is not appealing when it comes to Cuffing Season.
7) dOESN’T WANT SAM’S CHICKEN OR Sgt Pep’s after a night out
UConn students have their own preferences of what they prefer eating, what they want to do on a Friday night, and so on. However, for me, all I know is regardless of what day, time, or what my bank account balance is. I know I will always want something to eat after a night out about 8/10 times, and what better place to do that if not Sam’s Chicken or Sgt. Pep’s if you’re in the area?
Suppose I ask you if you want to come to get Sam’s Chicken or Sgt. Pep’s after a night out together that is coming from a place of pure love. The experience of eating some chicken or pizza after a great night out with your friends is just unbeatable. So me asking you if you want to share that experience together— it really is my love language at this point. Trust me, you will be able to tell, too, by my overly enthusiastic demeanor when I do ask too.
But if you ask a guy if he wants to get some food together after a night out and you two aren’t on the same page, that some chicken would be so good right now— quite frankly, that’s just disappointing. Suppose you get a straight-up “no” or “ew” without even a second to think about it and consider the offer. Well, I think a little hope in humanity would be lost at that point. Just kidding, that’s a bit dramatic. Hope in humanity wouldn’t be lost, but I think some interest in the guy would be lost because that’s concerning.
8) Fails comm 1000
Ah yes, COMM 1000, better known as The Process of Communication class offered at UConn. If you’ve taken the class, you know it’s a pretty direct and manageable course. They want you to succeed in the class and learn about communication. They aren’t trying to make the course stressful; however, to succeed in the class, you need to put in the effort and engage with the class and its assignments. It’s not calculus or biology class; it’s communication—something we as humans do daily, verbally, nonverbally, and so on. I personally find communication to be interesting as a business student. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about it when I took the class myself.
Well, you may ask how does failing COMM 1000 a red flag and what does it have to do with Cuffing Season? Well, as I mentioned previously, the educators of the class want you to succeed. They give you all the tools to ensure you succeed; however, all you need to do on your end is make sure you’re doing your part to do good. If you fail COMM 1000, I will officially make the statement that “you are the problem.” You are the mountain that is in your way at this moment in time. The class gives you the road to success. You just need to do it; if you can’t, I’m just speechless. Not even mentioning that he’s probably lacking the communication skills needed for a healthy relationship— red. flag.
If the class is too much for you at that point of the semester, either drop it or withdraw. But actively going through with the class just to fail it. So once again, you are the thing that is holding yourself back from success. And I can’t give you a 100% educated answer on why he is the thing that is holding himself back when there are people actively reaching their hands out to help you.
But all I know is whatever is holding the guy back, before getting into Cuffing Season or any relationships, he needs to sort it out. No shame in taking some time to sort things out. The goal at the end of the day is a healthy relationship. That means both partners need to do good for themselves. But that also means a red flag has been spotted. So maybe a good question to ask a guy when getting to know him at UConn is, have you failed any classes before at UConn? And if he has, just make sure it’s not COMM 1000.
9) Doesn’t like soop doop
If you haven’t yet heard of the infamous Soop Doop, you probably don’t eat enough at South Dining Hall. Soop Doop is a South worker known for wishing everyone good luck and a great rest of their day. Sometimes if you’re lucky, he’ll say another positive, inspiring motivational quick quote before finishing off by saying, “Soop Doop.” Very inspiring if you ask me. I know it brings a smile to my face to see and hear Soop Doop at South during my meals. And don’t fret— it’s entirely ok not to know who Soop Doop is yet. Just head over to South Dining Hall on the weekends; you’ll probably catch him then.
But if the guy does know who Soop Doop is and he doesn’t like him, even worse if he is an active hater of Soop Doop, I don’t think it’s wise even to be friends, let alone talk, date, or anything at that point. Since 2015, the internet has been on a hating culture and “ending” people. But Soop Doop. You can’t hate on Soop Doop. You shouldn’t have a reason to. Soop Doop just wants to give the students of UConn some happiness and positivity in their day. He’s always respectful and kind to everyone he speaks to at South.
If a UConn Bro hates Soop Doop, I think it’s time you give him a mirror and tell him to take a good look at himself because I don’t think he really hates Soop Doop, but the behavior he’s enacting right now isn’t cute and its blaring red.
10) Posts on Yik Yak looking for a hook up
Ah yes, Yik Yak. I remember my freshman year downloading Yik Yak, and my life changed from there on out. If you don’t know what Yik Yak is, well, Yik Yak is an anonymous app that posts discussion threads and pictures within a five-mile radius. And UConn Yik Yak is something I dearly missed when I returned home after the year ended. Sometimes I swear you can get local news faster on Yik Yak than on so many other platforms— it doesn’t mean it’s always true, but sometimes it is.
Yik Yak also gives you the occasional funny jokes happening around UConn or slight slander. However, it’s all fun and jokes. But if you catch a guy at UConn posting on Yik Yak looking for a hookup, like seriously looking for a hookup, not mocking the other thread accounts that do; and that doesn’t make you grab your head and say “are you being serious right now” or maybe get some kind of ick. Yik Yak is meant to be a fun pastime app, not an app looking for a hookup. That is not the appropriate place to be commenting and looking for that. There are so many dating and hookup apps nowadays. Why does he choose to infiltrate Yik Yak with that type of content? Respectfully I want to go on one social media app and enjoy free humorous content with no potential sexual infiltration. If you want to do that, go to UConn Tinder or elsewhere #KeepYikYakHookUpFree #KeepYourLoveLifeRedFlagFree.
As mentioned throughout this article, everyone is different. Men might all share the same common theme of being a man, but it doesn’t mean that every single one is just like the other one and one before him. Give people a chance to show you who they are, but try avoiding expectations of who they are before it even happens.
However, to stay in the spirit of the Cuffing Season, please make sure to stay safe and evaluate what your needs are and who you are getting to know with the possibility of more. Finding a special someone is difficult sometimes, but when you do find a UConn Bro that you like, make sure he passes the 10 Red Flags in Men: UConn Edition test before you two move to second base and cozy up together in the Homer Babbidge library together.