Do frat guys even know what a sun sign is? It doesn’t matter. I’m going to assign them to one anyway.
Astrology is a fun tool that assigns traits to an individual based on where certain constellations were at the time of their birth. Interestingly enough, everything, human or not, has a zodiac birth chart that can be found using the launch date, grand opening, etc. to obtain an astrological profile!
In the article you never knew you needed, here are some infamous fraternities and bars at UConn and what zodiac sign I think best matches their vibe.
Warning: Some readers may find article content offensive due to the ordeal of being compared to a UConn frat.
ARIES: Huskies
March 21 — April 19
This bold and energetic fire sign encapsulates the energy of this notorious bar perfectly. As the youngest zodiac sign, Aries is a firecracker and a go-getter, albeit a bit headstrong.
Like the Ram, you’re sure to find the youngest bar crowd here, full of outgoing sweaty bodies just looking to dance. Let loose and go feral in true Aries spirit within these walls, I promise they’ve seen worse.
TAURUS: delta tau delta (DTD)
April 20 — May 20
Loyal Taurus, I can always rely on you, just like I can rely on DTD to throw at a different house every time. How do the brothers balance school, work, and remembering where all of their locations are? We may never know.
This earth sign loves to treat themselves and indulge in the fine things in life like drinks and music, which is probably why they throw so much. Taurus rules the second house of money, so maybe this is how they’ve afforded to recover from all that damaged property and stay well-grounded, quite literally.
GEMINI: pourhouse
May 21 — June 20
You literally never know what’s in store for you. Am I talking about Pourhouse or Geminis? In my opinion, they’re interchangeable. This humorous air sign loves to chit-chat, perfect for this bar’s frequent trivia nights and social atmosphere.
But Geminis also love a good joke, so don’t feel like you’ve been bamboozled if you and your friends show up to a dead scene of elderly individuals in baseball caps. However, also don’t be surprised if Pourhouse looks like a scene straight out of Euphoria. Like the twins of Gemini, it really just depends on the day for which one you’re going to get.
CANCER: beta Theta pi (beta)
June 21 — July 22
Oh Beta, you’re definitely a water sign. Filled with nice guys that are probably actuarial majors, you’ll get there and back safely like the mother hen that Cancer is.
These guys aren’t going to give you any trouble and definitely give off the vibe of long-term relationship kind of men (read: vibe). As the first water sign in the zodiac, Cancers are emotional beings who value family ties, kind of like the 10,000 pledges that belong in this frat and claim they know everyone’s name.
LEO: Tau kappa epsilon (TKE)
July 23 — August 22
Two words: Hair and energy! Perfect for Leo’s symbol of the lion.
With crazy parties filled with high energy, this brotherhood just screams fire sign. Leos command the spotlight and need to be the center of attention, just like these brothers, but I’ll let it slide because they know how to throw and have a great house. I’d expect nothing less from this pride.
(I’m actually not kidding. I would love a hair care routine from some of these men, IYKYK.)
VIRGO: Sigma pi epsilon (Sig ep)
August 23 — September 22
Organized and dependable? Gotta be an earth sign.
For Sig Ep, their friendly yet professional nature matches up very well with the reliable Virgo. I’m not sure if it’s possible to be classy when hosting college parties, but if anyone could attempt to be, I think Sig Ep could. They are technically an academic frat, after all… I know, shocking. Just don’t get messy, or they’ll freak like a tried and true Virgo.
LIBRA: Ted’s
September 23 — October 22
Oh, so you think you’re better than me? Ted’s definitely does.
They don’t let just anybody into this old establishment, making it a rite of passage for Huskies when they turn 21. Just like the sociable “it girl” of astrology, Libra, they have standards and love to talk. Not saying you’re going to meet your Matt Damon from Good Will Hunting anytime soon out here in Storrs, but if you wanted to try, Ted’s would probably be the place to go.
SCORPIO: Phi Delta Theta (phi Delt)
October 23 — November 21
Let’s see, who is mysterious, kind of mean, and really intense? It’s gotta be our brooding Scorpio.
If you want to be on the edge of your seat and never be able to tell what’s going on inside someone’s head, go to Phi Delt or find your nearest Scorp buddy. The parties are packed and definitely get steamy (please open your windows), but the energy is absolutely there. Nothing is ever lackluster from a Scorpio, a sign who always strives to be well above average, kind of like the ratio of men that are in Phi Delt’s basement.
SAGITTARIUS: alpha epsilon pi (AEPI)
November 22 — December 21
When you think you’re the sh*t, kind of are the sh*t, and are annoying about it. Hi, Sag!
Rounding out our last fire sign, who else could it go to other than AEPi? As one of the top houses, their parties for sure bring the heat, and their energy is unmatched. Is the vibe absolutely unhinged and kinda scary, yeah, but for this outgoing and adventurous sign, it seems to be a match.
CAPRICORN: Phi Gamma Delta (fiji)
December 22 — January 19
These overachievers really outdo themselves in true Capricorn style. Like the time they got banned from campus with no invitation for returning. But you know what, just like the persistent sea goat that represents this sign, the men of this frat don’t give up so easily.
Seemingly always plotting and scheming about how to get back into cow town’s good graces, FIJI emulates the determined and hard-headed energy we’ve come to know from our lovely earth signs. Who knows, with their ambitious attitude and tenacious spirit, they may make a new name for themselves yet again.
AQUARIUS: pi kappA phi (pi kapp)
January 20 — February 18
Only an Aquarius would be creative enough to graffiti their entire basement in neon paint for a blacklight party the first week of the school year. And only an Aquarius would be too lazy to change back said basement to fit any other theme for the rest of the year.
However, the fact that their DJ consistently plays early 2000’s club music, Taylor Swift, and Abba instead of “Mo Bamba” makes up for it. In true Aqua fashion, these boys said I’m not like other girls, I’m for the girls, and it’s appreciated.
PISCES: sigmA Alpha mu (sammy)
February 19 — March 20
In this tight-knit frat, you’ll definitely feel the love of a compassionate Pisces shining through. With atmospheres that give off the vibe of friendly house parties rather than terrifying dark dungeons, you’re sure to understand why people call these guys sweethearts.
As the oldest sign, Pisces is considered to be the wisest and most emotional zodiac sign. Sammy is well-respected and loved for their kind, easy-going members, making this a certain match. Ahavah to my Jewish kings.
final remarks
I feel like I should apologize, but I’m not going to. Yet.
Thanks for tagging along in this very silly series of zodiac signs as things at UConn. I’m not even going to try to defend myself for this one. Till next time, please party safe!