In a world of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll bloomed Pamela Anderson — a pillar of feminism, a Playboy Bunny, a Baywatch babe, and the subject of the first world-renowned stolen sex tape that underlined the absence of choice for a woman and her sexuality.
Pamela, A Love Story, Pamela Anderson’s first documentary aired on Netflix on January 31, 2023. A devastatingly beautiful tribute to her life through the eyes of her self-documented home videos, Pamela details her successes, failures, and the story of a stolen tape that changed the course of her life forever.
Before Stardom
A small-town girl from Ladysmith, Canada, Pamela had a childhood that was one of the girl-next-door’s until you pulled the curtains back. Having a complicated relationship with her sexuality since she was a young girl, Pamela recalls a time in her young life when she was sexually taken advantage of. Following her rape, she describes being embarrassed by her young body. What reframed her view of herself? Modeling nude for the cover of Playboy.
Selected by the President of Playboy for her blonde bombshell beauty, Pamela posed for the cover of Playboy for the first time in 1989, discovering a new love for modeling. Playboy gave her the confidence she had been missing for so long. This confidence in posing nude provided the backlash that followed her much later in her life.
“I felt like it was a gateway into another world. Now, I was gonna take the power of my own sexuality and take my power back, and I did it I think in a really big way.”
Pamela Anderson, Pamela, A Love Story
Quickly turned into the most famous model in the world, Pamela decided she wanted to take her stardom to acting. She quickly became the leading actress in the hit show Baywatch, where she played the infamous CJ Parker. Baywatch was wildly successful, being the first American show to stream in several foreign countries.
pam & tommy: not so romeo & juliet
It was around this time that Pamela met Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee; the beginning of a dramatic and explosive love story that has been romanticized for all the wrong reasons. Pamela and Tommy were married in Cancun, Mexico after just four short days of knowing each other. Known for his rockstar image and bad-boy persona, Tommy Lee battled with addiction and struggled at times to be a supporting and loving husband.
Pamela and Tommy documented nearly every moment of their lives, recording moments from their wedding, the birth of their two sons, and recording each other doing nothing at all. Pamela tells the story of her life through her home videos, some of which, even thirty years later, is too painful to watch.
Pamela and Tommy are maybe most well-known for their infamous leaked sex tape — except it wasn’t leaked, and it wasn’t a sex tape. What she dubs the most traumatic memory of her life is a home video stolen out of the safe in her home. A tape of home videos threaded together to document their love story nearly ruined Pamela’s career — but not Tommy’s. Why?
The dichomoty of female sexuality
Pamela was harassed and berated by the public for years following her court case to sue the perpetrator who sold her home videos. How could she possibly feel so betrayed after making a career of posing nude on the cover of magazines? We, as a society, do an incredible job of shaming women for existing. Pamela is a prime example of someone who was never going to win — solely because of her gender.
“The lawyers basically said, ‘You’re in Playboy, you have no right to privacy.’ They would ask about my sex life and I kept on thinking, ‘How am I getting questioned about my sexuality and my preferences and my body parts and where I like to make love when it’s stolen property?'”
Pamela Anderson, Pamela, A Love Story
Pamela chose to pose naked on the cover of Playboy. She did not choose to release a home video to the world. Having the power to choose is liberating. Having the power to choose is empowering. Pamela freed herself from a lifetime of uncomfortableness and embarrassment of her body from a childhood of shame at the hands of her abuser.
The ability to have a choice over what to do with your body, over what happens to it, can be the most empowering thing for a woman to feel. Posing nude for the cover of Playboy was so much more to Pamela than posing for the male gaze. Posing for Playboy forever changed the way Pamela felt about herself. Using it against her to justify a stolen tape reinforces patriarchal violence that suggests women exist for the pleasure and enjoyment of men.
“They’re all, ‘Oh, she’s in Playboy. She likes being naked in public.’ First of all, it was my choice to be in the magazine. Playboy was empowering for me. But in this case, it felt like a rape. When the tape was stolen, it felt like that. And the depositions were so brutal. I remember looking at them thinking, ‘Why do these grown men hate me so much?'”
Pamela Anderson, Pamela, A Love Story
childhood & relationships
In addition to the harassment Pamela received from the public, her relationship with Tommy grew increasingly less romantic as the years went on, especially after she gave birth to their two sons. Being a mother quickly became the greatest joy of Pamela’s life, but she faced many challenges during her postpartum journey.
In the documentary, Pamela, with much difficulty, recalls the night that changed her relationship with Tommy for the rest of her life. On an already difficult night, Pamela was struggling to take care of her toddlers with little to no help from her husband. During a heated argument, Tommy struck her while she was holding one of her sons.
Pamela very bravely called the police, took her children, and immediately ended her relationship with Tommy that night. Tommy was sentenced to six months in prison and took many interviews during his sentencing. During an interview with Fox, he spoke about his need for attention, and how the argument that night stemmed from a lack of attention from Pamela.
Let’s pause for a second here.
Tommy’s explanation for hitting his wife was that he needed more attention from her; he was angry. Ironically enough, Pamela was upset with Tommy that night because their sons also needed attention, and she needed help. Pamela is not given enough credit for how she handled the breakup with her children’s father, and how quickly she was able to get up and leave.
Throughout the documentary, Pamela talks about her parent’s very difficult relationship, and how it affected her intimate relationships in her own life. Pamela speaks about her father’s infidelity, and the abuse she knew her mother suffered from.
Although her parent’s relationship improved much later in their life, Pamela always yearned for a different kind of love, one she didn’t have to escape from. There’s something admirable about her childhood innocence, the hopeless romantic in her that’s waiting for her Prince Charming.
“I love being in love. And being vulnerable. And being giving. It’s the only way to live life. Vulnerable.”
Pamela is commonly teased for her four marriages after Tommy. However, I urge everyone to think about the loveless relationship she watched growing up. There was under-applauded growth when she got up and left her husband. She is the epitome of a staunch and heroic woman and mother, a person who deserved much more respect than she ever received.
The moral of the story is that abuse is never okay. Shaming women for how modestly or provocatively they choose to live their lives is never okay. Supporting and uplifting women who are victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and postpartum depression is necessary.
To Pamela: I’m sorry you didn’t get the recognition you deserved for your strength, bravery, courage, and intelligence the way you received it for your body. The world owes you an apology, even though you never needed one.
“My life is not a woe-is-me story. I’m not a victim. I’ve put myself in crazy situations and survived them.”
Pamela Anderson, Pamela, A Love Story
help is always available
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or anxiety during pregnancy, or in the postpartum period, contact the Postpartum Health Alliance warmline at (888) 724-7240, or Postpartum Support International at (800) 944-4773.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org.