In a recent scroll on the new college sensation, Yik Yak, I saw a post that struck my attention. The person questioned, “Do I mind my business or tell this girl’s boyfriend at home that she’s cheating on him?”
I felt shock and disgust that anyone would cheat on their SO while they’re away for college and that train of thought led me to think about my personal mid-distance relationship with my boyfriend, Nick.
I want to preface that I am in no way invalidating those who experience long-distance relationships where people only see each other a few times every few months or even years; I cannot imagine how hard that must be. However, I don’t think that mid to short-distance relationships are talked about enough— especially through the lens of someone who dorms at college.
There is a level of patience, understanding, and compromise that you have to reach with your partner on a daily basis to make a mid-distance relationship work. So let me tell you how my boyfriend and I maintain our relationship.
know what you want
Before going to college, people often asked me, “What’s going to happen with you and Nick when you go away?” I normally had a distaste for that question as I had never intended to break up with Nick regardless of where I attended school, so my response was always, “We’re going to make it work and I’ll just come home every weekend.” Many people warned me that I won’t have the “college experience” and that I’m making a mistake.
Now if you’re in the same position as me, I’m going to tell you that it is honestly no one’s business. If you truly think that the relationship has a net-positive impact on your life and it will not interfere with your education, then, by all means, go for it! Society and the media have placed a norm on college students to stay single, party hard, and engage in hook-up culture. There is nothing wrong with that, but, if you don’t want to, why should you? This is the first and most pivotal step to a strong mid-distance relationship.
Be individuals
As much as you love and appreciate your partner, it’s important that there are boundaries and separation in place. Most of us are experiencing an entirely new life at college where we are forced into independence through all aspects of our daily routine. It is important that you embrace and cherish those moments when you are without your partner because it will help you assimilate into college. Have your separate experiences and appreciate that you are both working towards your goals on your own.
Have a routine
I’ve always thought that having something to look forward to every day will motivate me to do better. This has reigned to be true recently as I have developed a routine that prioritizes myself and my relationship.
Every night after we both attend our classes and fulfill our daily tasks, Nick and I FaceTime and play Call of Duty: Mobile as we give each other a run-down of our days. This has been a pocket of peace that I look forward to and remind myself of when my days are hard. We also downloaded Agapé recently which is an app that gives us a different prompt to answer daily. Both parties have to respond before seeing your partner’s response. The prompts can range from, “What is your favorite thing about your partner,” to “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?” I know this type of exercise might be too corny for some people but I really enjoy responding and seeing what Nick says.
Sacrifices: Physically and Emotionally
I wholeheartedly believe that anyone who claims their relationship is “perfect” or “easy” is lying. Everyone’s definition of the two terms is subjective, but all relationships require sacrifices.
When I say “physically”, I mean time and money. These will be your biggest expenses. Gas prices were at an all-time high these past months and having Nick drive hours on end from college to my house and back has not been very economical. Along with that, I catch myself being more irritable and impatient because I start to count down the hours that we have together. As much as it sucks sometimes, you make these sacrifices because it’s so worth it to give them a hug when Friday comes around.
Aside from the materialistic expenses, you and your SO’s emotional well-being should be at the pinnacle of your concerns when together. Missing each other is hard and it’s easy to feel a little jealous that you can’t experience all the amazing bits of college together. Make sure to communicate when you’re feeling like this and understand that it’s okay to miss each other. Understand that you’re both dreading saying goodbye on Sunday. Understand that if you go to a party without your partner, they will probably be worried about you. Communication is futile if there is no understanding.
conclusion
I know everyone will tell you this but it’s true— your happiness is the most important. If you are in a mid-distance relationship and it’s impeding from you living your best life, end it. If you are hesitant about pursuing a mid-distance relationship, think about if it will truly make you happier.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important one and I hope this gives you some perspective.