**WARNING: Discussions of abusive relationships and minor show spoilers ahead.**
For many of us, sitcoms are a well-loved subset of our browsing history. The laugh tracks and good-humored fun of shows like Friends and Seinfeld are often the perfect escape from reality that so many of us crave with a new watch. But lingering below the surface, often with more dated shows, it’s not uncommon to find that many of these lighthearted sitcom “jokes” often have more meaning. An overused trope is that of an unhappy married couple; these programs often paint the wife to be too controlling or demanding over a more easy-going husband.
the “sitcom wife”
Producer Valerie Armstrong was inspired to create a project centered around a new take on this cliche after seeing so much praise over the “Sitcom Wife” trope; essentially, a character whose main function is to bear the brunt of the humor of the males on the show. In explaining her inspiration for AMC dark comedy/drama Kevin Can F*** Himself, she recounts her reaction after seeing many qualified actresses vying for these roles: “…And I remember thinking, ‘That sucks, how is that possible? How are these women, the women I would kill to be writing for, still auditioning for this and also not getting [the parts]?’ And I got really annoyed, and I thought, ‘God, I bet […] the woman married to that [sitcom] guy is actually really miserable.’ And the idea sort of came to me…”
“God, I bet […] the woman married to that [sitcom] guy is actually really miserable.” – Valerie Armstrong
With this inspiration as her basis, Armstrong went on to craft a show that perfectly teeters between two realms: husband, Kevin’s, happy-go-lucky world, and wife, Allison’s, darker reality. At first glance, Kevin can come across as a charismatic, attention-seeking funny guy, while his wife, Allison, takes the backseat to support his wild side. He lives with his father and Allison, right next door to his best friend and partner in crime, Neil, and Neil’s sister, Patty. To Kevin, life couldn’t get much better: he’s got a wife who serves his every need, friends who support all of his antics and flood him with attention, and an ego so big, that he’s practically unstoppable. As the viewers, when focusing on Kevin’s perspective, we see your average sitcom, complete with bright, yellow lighting, and a highly reactive live studio audience.
Take Kevin out of the picture, however, and we are left with Allison’s perspective. Taking off her husband’s rose-colored glasses, we now get an unfiltered view of her struggles in this marriage. It becomes clear that Kevin is not as innocent as he wants everybody to believe him to be, as we learn about his discreetly manipulative ways and how his narcissism affects his wife. So, by the end of the first episode, Allison does what any reasonable woman would do – she decides she must kill Kevin.
narcissism at its finest
I chose to highlight this show not only for its ability to mix genres seamlessly but also due to the accuracy of its portrayal of Kevin’s narcissism. Some of the key characteristics typical of narcissists in relationships include lacking empathy, a sole focus on oneself, and a desire for unrestricted admiration. Many narcissists are also charming at first, trapping others into close relationships before revealing their true colors. All of these descriptions fit the bill for the show’s antagonist, Kevin.
Highlighting the rocky foundation of the relationship between the main characters, season two of the show reveals how Allison met Kevin and ultimately decided to start seeing him. Mourning her father’s death, met only with apathy from her cold mother, Allison first saw Kevin at a bar: the center of attention, giggling, and seemingly devoid of all the pain and suffering that she was enduring. The parental dynamic between Allison and her mom logically plays into Allison and Kevin’s initial attraction to one another; feeling unloved or mistreated during childhood can lead one to seek a partner with narcissistic tendencies.
Of course, it isn’t until the show jumps forward to the present day that we get to see Kevin’s narcissistic behaviors in full swing. Throughout the series, these include various jabs at Allison, often undermining her attempts to joke around by repeatedly calling her unfunny, thus pulling the attention back towards him to retaliate against her use of humor. Within the very first episode, it is even revealed that Kevin has secretly wiped the couple’s shared bank account clean, effectively diminishing Allison’s hope of ever moving to a nicer house in a better area. This is essentially textbook manipulation, as Kevin has mastered his allocation of money as a form of control, keeping Allison submissive to his own desires. In scenes throughout the show, there are a number of smaller instances of manipulation, including his use of weaponized incompetence to relieve himself of the few duties she asks of him as a partner.
hidden easter eggs
I thought that this show nailed it by giving us proper context for Allison’s revenge, presenting us with Kevin’s faults, while simultaneously showing us how Kevin has managed to trick those around him into thinking of him as an uncomplicated, goofy guy. This series manages to do so through tons of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it details, paired with genuine character development.
One of my favorite hidden features is that, as the series progresses, Kevin’s sidekicks slowly start to snap out of his reality as they start to recognize that he is not as innocent as he seems. To match this energy shift, the lighting during Kevin’s sitcom segments gradually starts to fade as his associates become less prone to enabling him. Another small detail that I thought was clever regards a scene in which Allison gets into a car crash with another character, rendering her injured arm in a cast. However, when we switch to Kevin’s point of view, she is merely holding her arm, with no cast in sight. I thought this was a perfect way to subtly show the audience that Kevin is blind to the pain of others, not even bothering to ask Allison about what is, in reality, an obvious injury. Another small Allison easter egg that viewers have picked up on is a change in wardrobe throughout the series, as she moves from dreary, drabby outfits to more put-together looks; signaling a break from her dull life with Kevin, as well as an increase in confidence.
resources
Overall, this show impressed me with its unique style and plot, as well as what I thought was a quality portrayal of how people, often women, can fall victim to a narcissist. A big takeaway from Kevin Can F*** Himself is that leaving abusive partners like Kevin is never as simple as the flat “You can just leave them!” advice that some people try to give. Partners like this intentionally create barriers to leaving that force others to remain in toxic situations. If any of this content resonates with you and your experiences within close relationships, please do not hesitate to seek help! The national hotline for domestic violence is 800-799-7233, and more resources can be found online at https://www.thehotline.org/ (National) and https://www.ctcadv.org/ (Connecticut).