It’s normal in life to go through breakups, it’s a part of life. I personally am going through a breakup at the moment and want to share some tips that helped me to move on. Although I do not consider my experience a heartbreak, it’s an adjustment, it’s upsetting, and takes some getting used to. The person you talk to every day and see every day is suddenly not there— it’s strange.
Whether you ended on good terms or bad, there is always an internal battle within you. You cared for them and things were good at one time or another, but something went wrong and you may resent them for it. Whichever you are feeling at the moment, because feelings will switch and change, here are some tips when you are dealing with a breakup.
Feel what you’re feeling
Do not suppress your emotions! If you pretend the situation did not bother you, your emotions will only come out later. It’s best to let yourself feel everything that you need to feel and cry as much as you need to. Talking to your family and friends can help you to understand your feelings and reflect. If you feel sad, angry, or betrayed, it is understandable. This person was special to you and it will not take a day to get over. Time is your best friend in this situation. If you feel extreme emotions right now just know that they won’t last forever.
“this too shall pass”
Go no contact
Going no contact means no talking to them, no texting them, or hanging out with them. As Dua Lipa said, “don’t be his friend, you know you’re going to wake up in his bed in the morning.” Talking to your ex will only prolong the breakup and prohibit you from moving past them. This also means to stop checking their social media. At the end of the day, you will only be hurting yourself and might find something you did not want to see. You can help yourself by blocking them on social media platforms or unfollowing them. Do what you need to do to get over them, it’s okay to be selfish. If their friends post them, it’s okay to unadd them too. Protect your peace by distancing yourself from them.
If you want to get back together, be friends, or find a new relationship you still need time to be by yourself and not be reminded about what your ex is doing. One last thing, do not make any excuses to text them. The holidays are coming up and there is no reason to say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, or anything similar because they are just excuses. Their birthday is coming up? Do not say happy birthday. Although you may genuinely want them to have a happy birthday, the text or call is only an excuse to talk to them, and texting them may only make you feel worse. Think to yourself, what is the only response they would say that would make you feel satisfied and what are the odds that you think they will reply with that response?
Erase them
I know this one is very blunt but it had to be said. Erase them as much as you can allow yourself to. Delete pictures that you two had together! Having pictures of your ex on your Instagram, Facebook, or whatever social media platform is not helping you move forward. This also gives other people the impression you two might still be together. Erasing them will help you to forget and not be reminded of the time you two were together. Snapchat memories will pop up I am sure of it, so delete those pictures too. You do not want to be moving past them and be constantly shown pictures of the relationship. Erasing them is not only on social media but in real life too.
Remember all those gifts they gave you? Those hoodies you stole? Now is the time to return them or put them away somewhere you will not be reminded of them. I understand there may be certain items that they gave you that you use constantly. For me, this is a water bottle or a pair of shoes I really like, and it’s ok to not put away everything; however sentimental items need to be gone. Physical pictures of both of you and love letters need to be put away or thrown away.
Focus on yourself
You may be asking yourself what do I do now that I am single? To this, I say focus on yourself. Pour all the love that you gave to that person onto yourself. Doing activities such as going to the gym, or starting a new hobby may help you to work on yourself and also find new things that you enjoy doing. Having self-care nights and making yourself feel cared for is essential because you deserve it. Treat your body right and it will not disappoint you. If you want a glow-up now more than ever you will have the motivation to have a post-breakup glow up and it will be amazing. A change in style, hair, or anything else that makes you feel better about yourself is good. Like I said before, it is time to be selfish and work on yourself! If you have a job or internship, you can focus your energy here as well and get ahead in your career. Overall, breakups can be a helpful wake-up call to get your life where you want it to be now that there is a push to work on yourself. The loss of the relationship can also help you form relationships such as new friendships or even rekindle old ones.
You don’t need closure
Whatever the reason that the relationship did not work, you may still have questions. There might not have been a reason for the breakup or maybe the reason did not seem truthful. As hard as it is to know that there might not ever be closure, you have to accept it. The truth may come out years later or not at all. Perhaps your partner was unfaithful to you or wants to be with someone else and you wonder why you were not enough. All you need to know is that the relationship is over and it is in the past. Understand that you tried your best in the relationship and it just did not work out. You may find yourself questioning and coming up with a hypothesis on why the relationship failed but do not let yourself wallow in what-ifs. Remind yourself that they do not deserve any space in your head, and focus on your own future.
Know that you’re ok
What is truly meant for you will happen. I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe you do too. Although your situation may suck now, the pain means that you are growing whether you realize it or not. What if I told you you needed to date three more people until you meet the love of your life? Then you would not be as upset, right? Think of the situation this way, you do not know what is coming in the future but know that better days are ahead and this relationship does not define you.
With this, I hope I have motivated you to get past your ex! Listening to music and podcasts that empower you are extremely helpful as well. Remember you may feel lonely but you are not alone. Learn to be your own best friend and pour into existing relationships. Lastly, Ariana Grande once said, “thank you, next.” Be thankful for what you experienced and take it as an opportunity to learn and move on to more important things. When the time is right you will feel a connection just as deep and powerful as the last. For now, it’s all about you and what is good for you!