UConn Students Weigh In
We’ve all seen the multiple films that have come out over the past couple years surrounding the idea of “Friends with Benefits.” Generally, it means that a couple will remain emotionally and romantically unattached, even as their physical relationship moves forward. To some it seems brilliant, to others simply stupid. I’ve polled UConn students from freshman to senior year, male and female, to get the modern college student’s opinion.
“I personally think that they don’t work out. I think they’ve been glorified in today’s society, but behind it all is a fear of commitment by either party or both.” – Monika ‘14
“Personally, I like to think that friends with benefits can be a great way to bond and become closer to the other person. I know and understand that it is not for everyone, but I think that there are definitely healthy ways to go about it. I know that in my experience, we were always very comfortable around each other. He and
I were best friends when we started our sexual relationship, and only got closer. The tip is to be open about your feelings and to keep it casual. You’re best friends first, sexual partners second. “ – Michelle ‘15
“It is in my experience as a youthful man that in our era of teenage trouble-making, we have elected to avoid commitment and fulfill our sexual desires by establishing “friends with benefits.” I have personally been in one of these relationships, and have come to the conclusion that such intimacies do not work. The entire point is to continue friendships platonically all the while, but eventually, the tender heat of each moment spent together slowly but surely causes one member to grow stronger feelings for the other. Being on that end can be tough, as it grows plainer and plainer that the coexistence of your pairing is still achingly friendly. The other end is an issue too, as it eventually becomes clear that their “friend” has feelings for them that weren’t agreed upon. It becomes the duty of the platonic friend to end the pact in order to protect the other’s feelings—which in turn actually hurts their feelings. These situations hardly ever land friendships where they started, often the original, non-sexual friendship is completely disbanded in confused rage. So I urge the community to pluck up some gosh-darn courage and date people again. It’s worth a shot, and feelings are done away with at the beginning.“ – Colby ‘16
“Having friends with benefits can get complicated fairly quickly. While it is founded on a lack of intimacy, the disconnect leaves a grey area that can bother some people. However, if that grey area doesn’t bother someone, it’s a perfectly healthy way to go about things. Personally I wouldn’t do it again. It was an unfulfilling time drain that was fun while it lasted, but neither of us really got anything out of it. There were no hard feelings and neither of us were emotionally attached, and I suppose that superficiality works for some people, but ultimately I would rather have that time to spend on people I actually care about than a quick hookup.“ – Derek ‘14
“A friend with benefits relationship is a tricky relationship to maintain. It requires a certain sexual maturity for all the individuals involved. A maturity to realize that hooking up and love can be mutually exclusive. By all means hooking up with that special someone is unbeatable, however having sexual relations with someone that one trusts and is comfortable with can also be very enjoyable. A friend with benefits relationship isn’t for everyone but for those who are comfortable with their sexual mindset and know what they want; it can be something that is fun and exciting.“ – Akash ‘16