After turning twenty over the summer I find myself reminiscing about all of my favorite times, and some dumb mistakes while always dreaming of the bright future ahead. My “Dear Me” letter is one written by my twenty year old self to my obnoxious teenaged self. From everything that I wish I had known at the time to things that I need to do in the present in order to get to the future I want, I feel as one year and a few months older than my nineteen year old self, I’m a much wiser girl. Inspired by @lifeofaprincess who wrote her own letter to her younger princess-self, I thank you for encouraging me to face my past and my fears.
Dear Me at 14:
I still remember what you wore on the first day of school for picture day. Matching everything from your necklace and headband to your earrings and cardigan, you were a young girl waiting to make your mark in that jail of a high school. Looking back, those four years flew by but the first one felt like the longest year to date. Don’t look at the Hollister and Abercrombie clothes all the other girls are wearing. Don’t judge yourself based on your skin color, weight, or frizzy, relaxed hair. Just don’t. It’s not worth it in high school and it’s not worth it now. Don’t. Do. It. Love singing the wrong lyrics at the top of your lungs with your best friend and continue to laugh about it when you’re 30 years old.
Dear Me at 17:
Don’t waste your senior year chasing someone that you think you can see yourself with in the future. People are questioning your judgment because they’re right: you’re way too smart to chase after him. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to take you to prom. He doesn’t want to man up and take the chance on you because he’s still a little boy. You can’t fix that, no matter how much you think you can. So don’t buy that Christmas gift for him, put it back on that shelf and never ever think of spending another penny on him. Let him drown in his own humiliation and embarrassment. Little do you know, he’ll end up working a level entry job and have two kids from two different mothers. Much like the great R&B group TLC, “I don’t want no scrub.”
Dear Me at 18:
New state, new school, new beginning. Forget the people you left behind in Lowlife Nothingville. Know that I’m proud of you for sticking it out as long as you did at this university. I hope you realize that the people who claimed they were the “realest around” turned out to be real fake. Don’t let that get you down and don’t let that hole you up in your room for a few days. If they don’t have your back, and defriend you because of petty drama, you don’t need them. But do love and be thankful for the real friends you made after your Mean Girl situation. Do keep in touch with them after you leave and make time to video chat because seeing them in the flesh again is questionable, for now. As for the boys, know that just because he challenges you to a game of one-on-one basketball, doesn’t mean that’s the only way he wants to score. Don’t ever answer that 2AM phone call, that’s not worth your time either. Leave that school with your pride and dignity and never look back. Take that leap of faith and move on.
Dear Me at 19:
Leaving that chapter of life and entering this new one is a decision you will forever be grateful for. But now that you’re here, don’t be scared to make new friends and join new things because this school isn’t like the old one. Please realize that not having Greek letters across your chest or Tory Burch flats on your feet is not the end of the world. Also, don’t take everything to heart so much. Laugh it off, relax, and do what you can. Be thankful that you’ve had this new opportunity at an incredible school and take advantage of it. You have three semesters left, it’ll go by in seconds.
Dear Future Me:
Shit happens. Roll with the punches because you’re strong enough to take them and keep fighting. You can land that perfect communications job for your favorite national football organization and you can be accepted to that master’s program at your dream university. It can happen. Just put your mind to it and do the absolute best that you can. Know that regardless of where you end up, whether it’s right after college or in 40 years, I’m proud of you. Always remember to do what makes you happy.
Dear Me Now:
Forget everything that’s ever happened in the past. That half marathon you have thirteen weeks to train for in a city you’ve never been to? You can do it. That perfect internship in New York City? You can land it. All you have to do is get through the rest of the semester and everything you’ve worked for will fall into place. Stop pinning what you want your future house and closet to look like, because let’s face it, with all of your student loans, you’re going to be broke and couponing until you pay them off. Stop dreaming about meeting and dating that perfect athlete that you’ve had your heart set on since high school. It’s not going to happen. Be thankful for all the incredible times you’ve had with your friends. Halloweekend, meteor shower chasing, and Pandora jam sessions will be the moments you remember the most from your college career. Don’t let those go. Don’t worry about not going out every weekend or keeping up with the party girls that live on your floor. But please, do you. Live your life to the fullest and never look back. As scared as you are of letting people down, they’re all proud of you. Whether they tell you every day or they’ve never told you before, they love you and they’re more proud of you than you’ll ever know.
Keep your heels high and your head higher,
KP