Although I have only been at college for two months, I can say with confidence that I am not a fan of the social standard that going out and drinking is the only effective method of making new friends and having fun. I am still navigating the whole college thing, and am trying to build a solid group of friends; I love the whole process but I can’t say that it doesn’t absolutely drain my social battery.
Although it is definitely possible for me to carve time out for myself throughout the day, I have felt guilty in doing so while being here. Typically, ‘me time’ consists of relaxing in bed on my phone or watching a show after classes. Undoubtedly, I get lost scrolling through social media and seeing everyone, the majority of whom I have not conversed with since adding them on snapchat the first week of classes, out and about looking like they are having the time of their lives. We all know that people glamorize their lives on social media, but I can’t help but overthink whether or not I am doing something wrong by sitting on my bed watching my favorite show or calling my family.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to go out and have fun, but it is not something I am capable of doing every night. When I am sitting in my bed on a Wednesday night after a day consisting of four exhausting classes, the last thing I should feel is ashamed of my choice. Unfortunately though, this norm is real and has been implemented into so many college students’ lives, where making the choice to stay in seems as though you are “not fun” or even worse, not capable of having fun.
I wish we could stray away from the norm that drinking is the only way to make new friends and look “normal” to our peers. As students we must normalize prioritizing ourselves and our own mental health over the persistent social obligation of having to go out. However, this is especially difficult as we are just two months into living in a brand new setting.
People tend to think drinking and consequently, acting differently than their true self will make them more friends. In actuality, the majority of people want to become friends with your actual self, not the person you become when you’re drunk. It is rare that people decide to foster relationships by grabbing dinner with a new friend from class, or going out to ice cream on a Friday night. That is not to say that these types of interactions never happen, but they are not as normalized as partying on a Friday night in hopes of making new friends.
Too often we see college students lose track of who and what they truly care about in an effort to “fit in.” It is integral that we break this norm and create an improved atmosphere where people feel comfortable taking a night to themselves or conversely, taking part in a low key activity with friends.
The bottom line is, there are alternative methods to making friends outside the college standard of drinking and partying. I promise even though it seems like everyone is, there are so many people who would love to have a chill night with you instead. Everyone is constantly looking to make new friends, and going out does not have to be the only way to do so.