On Dec. 27, 2023, I lost my maternal grandmother. I always referred to her as Nonna, which is Italian for “grandmother.” She was, without a doubt, the strongest woman I have ever known. She was one of the most influential people in my life, but I didn’t realize her true impact until her passing. Over a year after her passing, I can finally write a testament to her character and how she has improved my life, even in spirit.
Her Story
Nonna was born in Pontelandolfo, Benevento, Italy on April 30, 1952. She came to America by boat on April 1, 1968, with barely any knowledge of English. She met the love of her life at night school and was married to him at 18. Eventually, she had my uncle, whom I refer to as Zio, at age 20, and then she had my mom at age 22.
Though she never returned to Italy, she maintained her true Italian spirit. She always ensured that everyone was well-fed, especially on holidays. She would make enough food to last a lifetime and always encouraged everyone to take second, and even third, helpings. She could never show up to my house empty-handed: she always came bearing gifts, whether that was money or sweets.
She was stubborn but in a selfless way. She never accepted help from others because she never wanted to feel like a burden. She was extremely hardworking, successfully operating a deli and a tailoring business simultaneously. She loved food, as it was ingrained into her Italian culture. She loved any kind of pasta and bread, and she shared some of her cooking knowledge with me when I was younger. We made homemade sauce, pasta, and bread, and through that experience, I felt connected to her and our culture. It’s a memory I will cherish forever.
her influence
Nonna’s way of life left a lasting impact on me. She was extremely kind and caring, loving me and my sister unconditionally. Her affection and radiant joy influenced others: you couldn’t help but smile in her presence. She was full of positivity, undoubtedly a glass-half-full person. I’ll always remember calling her and hearing “Ciao bella” when I picked up. I’ll forever cherish her gifts, such as the classic cornicello necklace to ward off the malocchio, or the evil eye.
She has inspired me to be more like her. Thanks to her, I have learned how to cook homemade pasta and bread, but I’ve also learned how to be a more loving human. I will always carry Nonna’s love wherever I go, especially when I (hopefully) travel to Italy one day. She has inspired me to connect with my Italian roots and learn the language. I took one semester of Italian during my freshman year of college and continue to learn today. I hope to travel to her hometown in Italy one day. My dream’s always been to visit Italy, and I’m even more inspired to go now.
final thoughts
Grief works in odd ways. It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently and that your emotions are valid no matter how you grieve. It isn’t a linear process: you can make a lot of progress and still have days that are especially difficult to get through, and that’s okay. The most important part of grieving is being gentle with yourself throughout the entire process, even on those days that are harder than others.
Through my grieving process, though, I can acknowledge that Nonna changed my life for the better. Even though she is no longer with us, I can still feel her spirit and energy in the universe. Whenever I see anything related to Italian culture, a beautiful sunset, or a ladybug, I think of her. While she’s no longer here physically, she’s here in my heart, and that’s all that truly matters.