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20 Thoughts Women Have in the Shower

We all shower (hopefully) and it’s a nice little part of the day we get to ourselves.  What does the female mind wonder while in the shower, you ask?  The answer is a lot.

1. Did I do anything horrifying today?

Let us reflect, and if I did, let us harp on it for the rest of this shower.  

2. I got a chain email in 6th grade about a dead girl who would kill me in the shower if I didn’t forward the email.  


I wonder if today’s the day.

3. Am I supposed to be rinsing and also repeating?

Will I be a better woman if I do this?

4. Womanhood is such an imposition, tbh.


My water bill would be so much less and my self esteem would be so much more.

5. Speaking of womanhood, is this “feminine wash” doing anything at all?

I just buy it so that those who see my shower will know that I do, in fact, have a vagina and it does, in fact, have an appropriate pH.

6. Should I be switching up my scent routine?

I’ve had the same coconut and shea butter smell routine for my entire womanly life and it’s been alright, but it’s nice to imagine what could have been had I been a cucumber melon gal.  

7. * nearly slips * If I die in the shower my family and friends will find me and I will be NUDE.

8. The sex appeal of the shower is lost on me.


People looking sexy in the shower is a MYTH I actually look like a cross between a dolphin and a wet cocker spaniel while showering.  

9. I should probably check the state of my armpits

They’re disgusting, but I guess the solution today is going to be sleeves.

10. *practices a random conversation that is unlikely to ever occur*

Ya know, just in case.

11. *thinks about pink tax*  


$16 for razors  * shakes fist at the sky *

12. *starts tearing up*


SHOWER CRYING FEELS SO GOOD.

13. Are these microbeads actually killing whales?

I need the beads.  I’m sorry @whales but I need the beads.

14. Why do farts smell SO much worse in the shower? 


Probably because it’s just me and my fart in this most intimate space. Like a date. But with a fart.  

15. I should take more baths.


I really owe it to myself to sit in dirty, warm water more often.

16. After how much time in the shower are the people I live with going to start thinking it’s weird that I’m still in the shower?

Asking for a friend.

17.  I gotta pocket got a pocket full of sunshine.  


#MovieScenesThatHaveStuckWithMe

18.Did I shave both my legs?


I have only shaved one leg and it looks like it’s going to stay that way.  

19. I feel so fresh.  I feel so clean.  I feel so pure.


20. Time to lay in a damp towel for 3 hours.


 

 

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